Lose me in 1-5 days

Remember the movie: How to lose a guy in 10 days...

This is my version of how to lose me after one to five days. This list is compiled after real experiences while dating.


1. On our first date you starts to cry about your former girlfriend

2. Your date has children and their God Father is your ex and you just found out because your ex had disappeared from your date's map for a while

3. @ restaurant your date is asking your assistance with determining how to use the silverware..

4. Your phone rings every 5 minutes and you try to convince me that you have different nicknames for your 7 daughters when I ask who Monica;Bianca; Lois; Cyrus; Sharon; Joy; Gina; Rebecca;Ann; Mo; Margret; Daisy; Cindy; Jessica is.

5. You're smitten because I remind you so much of your mother who's most exciting activity is collecting post stamps

6. Say you have a big romantic night planned, then take me to a grass root event, followed by a visit to a campaign office so I can help you count your reps.

7. Let me wait with your friend who's trying to put his hands on my derriere all night while you get your car and then forget about me when you decide to walk to your loft around the corner of the club we visited because you're drunk.

8. Compliment me on my style and then mention how much I
remind you of your ex and your mother

9. You tell me that you want to put on some "mood music," then bust out some uncoordinated choreographed moves on an AC/DC CD.

10. Make up a touchdown dance for when I go home

11. Tell me "I think horses are so beautiful and elegant; you remind me of a horse".

12. Tell me you're ready to take our relationship to the next level and that you've signed up for couples' yoga-trust us

13. Your mother calls you every 5 minutes and asks if you have taken your allergy pills yet....

14 Introduce me to your Playboy Magazine collection from 1990 to date

15. Tell me about the dream you had involving me, your ex and your cousin

16. Eight words: "You're so much more fun when I drink."

17. Tell me you bought me a present, give me Madden 2007, then ask if you can borrow it.

18. Invite all your under 23 year old "buddies" on our first date and ask me to fix them something for dinner

19. On our first date you present me your last medical record that displays that you had all types of STDs; tell me you now use condoms and that the treatment for herpes wasn't as bad as you thought.

20. You fall asleep on my lap because you're drunk and you weigh over 360 pounds and I cannot remove you from my lap without asking assistance from your even more drunken friends

When compiling this list I laughed out loud because it is hilarious that this actually happened...



Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com