updates

For the last couple of weeks I have neglecting my blog simply because I'm swamped by work, and social networking. A lot has happened.but most significant is that my best friend has admitted to have a major crush on me for awhile; King and and I growing and closer to each other; Fitness Guru - who I have been advising on his career adventures - has expressed to have a "distinctive plan" after a negative interview outcome; King and Tyrese are not on speaking terms.; I discovered schickdreamsdate a site I think everyone should visit.

So where to start:

My best friend and I

Have you seen my best friends wedding and Made of Honor ? well, I should have auditioned for it. *sigh*

My best friend and I go along way; he and I are very comfortable together -that is I would change clothes in front of him; I tell him about my dates; my crushes; we gossip together and so forth. He's a girlfriend in a men's body and I'm totally not attracted to him. In fact I never considered him a sexual being - isn't that a terrible thing??!!! Now check this out: last week we were chillin' and King called. King and I were fooling around on the phone - just having a blast. And my best bud's face was getting darker and darker. I told King that I had to hang up to chill with my best bud. I sat down and ask him : Bud - what's going on - you know you cannot hide anything from me. Your face speaks for itself. So make a confession, let me listen to what's up and we figure it out together how to eat this elephant!

Well, my jaw dropped when he started to stutter and telling me that he had been crushing on me since we met.

Bud: Angry Asian Cookie I don't know how this is effecting our friendship but I can't go through with this anymore.

Angry Asian Cookie: Go through with what? can you be more specific?

Bud: Angry Asian Cookie we both are close and our friendship is amazing but I have grown to love you.

Angry Asian Cookie: Of course Silly I love you too... You know that.. You don't have to worry about that!!

Bud: Angry Asian Cookie you're not hearing me; I'm in love with you. I want to kiss you, hold you and make love to you.

I want King to go elf himself and have you for myself. I want you to look at me as a partner and not as a buddy. I fantasize of us and you. And I have been keeping this to myself because I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. On the same note it's tearing me apart to see you in love with King. And I can't handle it anymore.

Angry Asian Cookie: " Oh" ...... Bud I had no idea... I mean .. But you... How... Hmmm well... uh,... OMG... what do you want me to say?

Bud and I parted that evening. We still hang out, we still text and call but everything has changed. I don't feel comfy anymore undressing while chatting with him. I don't share my King stories to the extend that it might hurt Bud. And I try to avoid any physical contact. Unfortunately, it did change our friendship because I don't want to hurt his feelings more then I probably unintentionally did. I regret not seeing this coming. I would have been more sensitive and cautious.

The Closer I get to you...

Despite some of my blogger friends and other readers predicted I'm still very much in luv with King. We are communicating more intrinsic and we are growing closer and closer. He is a bit impatient and I can't blame him. We are scheduled to see each other next month. I keep teasing him on the phone just to hear him laugh, act silly [which is not that hard since I'm Bridget Jones' twin sister] The time differences are creating huge sacks under my eyes but the last thing I want to hear when I fall asleep is his voice. He's becoming my heart's joy. Each day seems so fabulous - and every time he calls my hearts skips a beat and I produce this silly grin on my face. Yep, she's still very much in love! 

Fitness Guru career adventures 

Fitness Guru and I have been chatting mostly about clubbing and his career advancement. Fitness Guru is on a mission; he wants to get married and for that he believes clubbing is instrumental. Where Fitness Guru is located - according to him - is not much to do. Hand in hand with finding Bridezilla, goes his career advancement. With his current employer he has reach his ceiling and he wants to buy a house; fix his car; buy a ring; pay for the wedding with the unidentified Bridezilla; and date. Now dating is expensive according to him. He expressed his growing frustration when he was up in my area took me out for dinner and I had decided that he and I were no match but, I had indicated that staying friends would great. Fitness Guru mentioned that he didn't want to hear about my friends and I had no clue how much effort and money it had cost him to get to DC and take me out for dinner without accomplishments the projected results : a relationship with me.... I offered to assist Fitness Guru with finding his dream job. To me this means planning a strategy and target your efforts instead of ineffective applying for jobs. Fitness Guru obtained a BS in marketing but after assessing his knowledge, and experience I doubted if he would be able to step into even an entry level position in that area. If you are not even remotely aware of the main principles of marketing, write your own cover letter. resume I doubt if you can step up to the plate of positions that would generate the type of income he has projected. Secondly, his most solid experience is in Fitness. His knowledge of budgeting, strategic planning et cetera is not even on an average level. I advised him to either gain more knowledge by taking some course work or focusing on his experience and strength. He felt somewhat offended when I asked him more specifically how he would do his job search, net working and so on. He told me he had a plan but couldn't talk about it by chat, because I typed to fast. When we finally got on the phone, I asked him again, so tell me what's your plan and maybe I can give you some suggestions or feedback. His plan was to search for jobs.........Well, we already had establish that.. sounds like a great plan..... Back to the clubbing; I go out in DC and hit some of the clubs around M and K, or U street. Park; Josephine's; Fly; to name a few. Fitness Guru suggested if he could hang out with me and my friends, to find Bridezilla. I was carefully letting him know that going out in DC with my friends is not the cheapest way of clubbing and gave him a head up of what my normal expenses are when I go out. He got really upset and then cut me of chat. Fitness Guru to me is too much obsessed with finding a bride; very anal behavior - instead of just having fun, let life happen, be happy with yourself and then you might attract some great women who are interested in you for you. Spending money you don't have is not the most attractive asset a man can offer. If I were him I would hit the gym and do what I would do best and attract a lovely young lady there. Or maybe go out for dinner in an all you can eat buffet ; something that's affordable for you....Does that makes sense???!!! 

Tyrese and King 

King and Ty have some sort of a beef going on, and it's a pity that childish behavior or insecurities have such an impact on people. King thought is was kinda cute how I had this thing going on for Tyrese. It was more focused on his music and inspirational side of his personality as oppose to his romantic side of his personality. But I started to hold back in general after deciding to focus on King. King apparently is more sensitive for my interaction with Ty then I suspected. When we spoke about King's new movie project I wondered if he would included Ty in it for one of the characters. His response was - no chance in hell. Oopse...after explaining his reasons why, I understood his point of view. I guess what King told me was not news to me; but not so much on the surface for outsiders. In my opinion certain display of behavior is childish and not very attractive. then again. it has nothing to do with me. !!! It has been quite a week, King is chillin with friends and planning his trip to see me, and I'm still working hard on moving to CA. More about those developments later. 

Back into the KINGdom

The Tornado not only hit in our area, but it also hit me like lightning when I text King about the tornado. he immediately called with a sincere concern in his voice.
The entire night King and I spoke - actually it was him reassuring me that everything was going to be alright. When Vlindertje and I finally fell asleep, I later on saw that he had not hang up the phone until minutes later. This morning 7:00 am EST, he checked in on me again. He confirmed he listened to my breathing until he was sure I was fast asleep before he hang up. We text messaged during the day. But the highlight of my King experience was when we spoke for 2 hours about us. The intensity and the purest connection we both acknowledged and felt, is amazing. Have you ever met a person who can finish your sentences because your minds are similarly configured? Have you ever met a person who can close his eyes or not physically see you, and tell you exactly what the expression is on your face when he talks to you without words? Have you ever met a person who, wants to built castles and dreams with you for the sake of the future without dwelling in the past? I have, and that instant moment, I knew what I knew deep in my heart for months - King is my soul mate. I was scared and that distracted me from what was staring at me from the day we met: a beautiful, creative and loving soul who understands my desires and weaknesses because he recognized them in himself. A soul who can search and reach beyond the means of believe because he'll create what he wants to be created. A person who is true to his values regardless what the world requires of him.


I'm back on track to my KINGdom, and I'm planning to stay there 'till eternity....






Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Signs of Love Making

I've been twisted between feelings (emotions) and thoughts (rational) for a while.  Those of you who've been regular readers of my blog, know by now I have developed strong feelings for King. Via Blogcatalog I became acquainted with DD. Although we've never physical met, we have great conversations and we are creatively collaborating on a new writing project.  On my birthday - April 8Th. All my friends had spoiled me to death, my brother threw me a surprise birthday bash, he invited the needy children in a close by community, and we donated money to my favorite charity, In addition my Maman flew over, that was a huge birthday present.  Both DD and King were thoughtful enough to acknowledge my birthday and it made me smile. Persian and I met a couple of times, and I feel so connected to him.

As Fitness Guru once said Angry Asian Cookie: you are a man in a woman's body - you treat man as man would treat a woman.  And he might be true, I am falling for three man at the same time. But I must admit if I encounter all the rational reasons and make an analysis [as if you can calculate love] this would be the outcome

Parameters	King	Persian	DD
Age	good match 38 vs 29	28 vs 29 not sure if it work	43 vs  29
Astrology Sign	LEO [July Leo]	LEO [July Leo]  (same b-day as LION!!)	Libra (possible mis-match?)
Distance	DC-CA	DC	DC-CA
Communication	Smooth-Easy-Fun-Sexy	Smooth-Easy-Fun-Sexy	Smooth, fun sexy  but with minor restrictions
Chemistry	WOW	WOW	Not Sure
Intellectual compatibility	Amazing	Amazing	Good
Chivalry	Very Masculine	Charming Masculine	Charming and Thoughtful
Parent Skills	Mind blowing	n/a	good parent
Creativity	Very much and focused	in his job and @volleyball	Very much and inspiring
initiation	somewhat slow unless he feels he can come to the rescue or I'm endangered	Each day	very thoughtful

I know deep in my heart that Libra's and me don't work in the long run. I also know that a man should be willing to participate in Vlindertjes life. Creativity is an essential part of my life, which make King and DD a much better choice then Persian. For now and developing a relationship Persian has the best opportunity to come closer to my heart- he lives close by. King is somewhat laid back and leaves the communication initiative to me unless he feels he can be the protector or when he feels DD and I talk too frequently for his taste.  Although it's too early to make a definite choice, I feel I cannot continue with these mixed feelings. I like all of them for different or similar reasons. Deep in my heart I hoped that King and I would have hit it off already and if we had, nor DD or Persian would even had a chance. So there's something that's holding me back.  Persian is relatively young - at least younger then my usual preference date.  I've onl dated African American men before I met Persian, but that is not an issue for me anymore. If I would fall for Persian then he and I would have to deal with a long distance relationship because I'm in the process of moving to CA. 

I never met DD in real life, and my experience with online dating is not that great. In fact it has been an disaster.  King has close relationships with his family, in fact his brother lives next doors and so does him Mom, No chance in hell that he will ever move from there. King also has a list of admirers and in his occupation he is/will facing a lot of temptations. Everyone knows that in the entertainment world marriage and relationships end as fast and easy as a google search lol.  I also know he has traditional and very conservative ideas about relationships which are quite reassuring. 

All the signs are out there. it's a matter of doing the math and go with my guts. i cannot continue to be shattered all over the place. It's unfair to them, to me  and I'm ready to answer to the Signs of Love Making.  

If anyone has any tips to make my decision easier ??????

Update!

It's been awhile that I've been posting messages on my blog for several reasons:

• all my laptops,  and PCs either crashed, died or malfunctioned;
• my efforts to repair a fairly new laptop was journey to hell - thanks Gateway;
• I was dealing with multiple challenges at the same time

Dating Up date

    Persian

Lots has happened. After my reunion with Persian, that same weekend I didn't contact him. I can tell you this - I had his business card in my hand on Saturday and Sunday but didn't had the guts to pick up the phone and dial his number. I consulted my friends Mos, Camy, and Dr. H and all advised me to call him.  I felt confused after our kiss and my feelings for King. 

On Monday I decided to call Persian. Before even picking up the phone, I practiced what I would say  when he would pick up the phone. It was so pathetic that I even wrote down what I intended to say. I almost felt as a high school girl. When I finally had the guts to call' I was redirected to his voice mail. I'm ashamed to tell but I hang up the phone. ohh.. it was  sooooooo girlie and immature. 

The second time around, I managed to leave him a message:

Hey Persian - this is Angry Asian Cookie. As promised I would give you a buzz. I hope you had a fabulous weekend and I look forward to hear all about it. Please do give me a call back after retrieving my message.

After five  very, very long minutes, my cell rang:

Persian: So you finally decided to pick up the phone and give me a call?

Angryasiancookie: Hey Persian ... good to hear from you.. sorry Persian that it took me so long  to get back at you.

Persian: I'm glad you did. It's good to hear your voice - it compliments the image that I have of us kissing...

Angryasiancookie: uhhh. well uhmmm ehhh..

Persian:[chuckles] Are you blushing? and looking for words..? Amazing - you're never without a wit response.. you look cute when you blush

Angryasiancookie:  uhhh well uhhh I'm not blushing..

Persian: sure you're not.. 

Angryasiancookie: can we change the subject to your weekend??!! How was your weekend?

Persian: My weekend was great; I was expecting your call though..I had a birthday party; danced; coached my  volleyball team to the qualifications. And you? Did you think about me ?

Angryasiancookie: oh, that sounds like a great weekend...yes, I thought of you briefly.. [ahh why did I say that?!!]

Persian: briefly? Oh that's my ego dropping on the floor....

Angryasiancookie: you're silly 

Persian: that indicates that you and I should spend more time together. Do you want to grab a coffee later on today?

Angryasiancookie: I'm at Busboys... as we speak

Persian: I can be there in 10 

Angryasiancookie: ohh no - don't stress your schedule let's meet another time

Persian: I want to seize the moment and kiss you.

Angryaasiancookie: but I'm not dressed to meet you.

Persian: good-  no clothes are necessary,  but hmmm you created a killing field of men out there didn't you?  [chuckles]

Angryasiancookie: you're nuts - I meant I'm wearing my professional and boring attire..

Persian: Baby .. with or without clothes it's you I'll see. Be here in 10 

Persian hung up the phone. 

Persian and  I met and we did kiss again. I felt awkward and yet blissful. I thought about King Then I told Persian about King and my developing feelings for him. I also shared my growing friendship with DD. Persian responded with: " Angryasiancookie: I don't see a ring on your finger but do admire your honesty. Let's take it one step at the time". I have no intention to lose contact with you and I want us to connect and be close friends.".

When we left the establishment I was still a bit confused but I smiled all day.

Mos responded - after I shared my  Persian experience -:"Maybe this is karma, and should you stay in DC".  Persian and I continued to see each other; about that later. 

  King

Although King and I don't talk on a daily base like DD and I. When we talk it seems as if I'm talking to myself, like as twin souls. The engaging conversations are as warm streaming water caressing my body; his voice is soothing; our souls simply connect.  Our relationship approach is simultaneous which makes our interaction smooth and understanding. I did tell him what happened with Persian.  He responded that he wants to visit me, and we should anticipate on my relocation.  When I was robbed last week - about that later- he was livid and so concerned. He checked in on  me the whole evening. It was so endearing while I'm writing this piece he's in Vegas at a marathon and trying to assure me that I will never have to be afraid again when he's there to protect me. Now how can I not melt for that??? 

DD

DD and I speak almost every day. He writes just like me and we started writing jointly on a children's book. He's so sweet, creative, caring and intelligent. How can I not like him?

Books and other Updates

 My poetry is scheduled to be published within two weeks. When I was on the radio with Alan Currie, I met Bennie Randall on the live chat of the show. Bennie and I started to communicate and I shared some of my poetry. Bennie gave me some great advice regarding the publishing of my books.  I would recommend you to take a look at  www.bennierandall.com.

He has interesting material posted on the site.

Ton

My friend Ton passed last week. I was fortunate to celebrate his life in Milan. He will always be my Angel. 

Virgo

Virgo and I never met but we do chat and talk on the phone a lot. The last few times he insists that we should meet but to be quite honest with you, I have my hands full with DD, King and Persian. Virgo is cool though.

Fitness Guru 

I have kept my distance with Fitness Guru. Primarily because he's too nice and we simply are no match. He once mentioned I was clueless regarding men; and I was like a man in woman's body.In addition I felt as if he felt some resent after we met - mentioned that he had to jump through hoops to see me that one time. I feel bad about that, but I cannot help my feelings. In fact I don't feel any connection at all other then a platonic friendship. He called the other day after sending me a text.  When he mentioned he was staring at a picture of my lips and how they would fit his ...... I tuned off, when he mentioned he was extremely excited, I had to end the conversation. It's hard for me to deal with an awkward moment as this one. 

Laptops, Pcs; Ipods

All my laptops and my desktops died at the same time. My efforts to get them fixed were unsuccessful. After my experiences with the customers service of Dell and Gateway, I decided to buy a new Mac. And I love my Mac!

I'll never write about my previous marriage or my divorce and I'll keep it that way. One thing though: I had an apple Ipod and I had bought one for my popper ex as well. After the divorce I found out he had switched my Ipod for a fake version and sold mine. It was not a big deal, if it made the popper happy so be it. With my Mac I bought both me and Vlindertje an Ipod. I'm struggling with the transition of data from my old tops and desk soon I'll be able to listen to my music again. 

I'll keep you posted now I'm back online!

Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Persian

I had an internal dialog if I should post this story or not but it's part of the dynamics in my single life and dating experiences. In one of my first posts, I'd shared about an [one-date] experience with a younger men/boy. I also expressed on several occasions to have a very strong dating preference for brothers. I vouched never to date younger again; and never to date other then brothers. My Maman always tells me: never say never.

Last year May I met an young attorney via a business associate. At that point I was not dating, or even remotely interested in dating. I could not ignore that this attorney was stunning; intelligent; sweet but I wasn't interested and focused on other priorities. He gave me his business card, we spoke a couple of times and exchanged some emails but lost contact. On Wednesday, I bumped into him again while I was in Maryland for a meeting. We couldn't stop smiling, and hugging- it was so good to see him. He's still breathtaking gorgeous, charming, and so extremely sweet that I cannot believe I ever lost contact with him. There was this older lady that watched us sitting on a bench talking; she came over to tell us she loves to see a young couple in love. Of course I blushed, and had no clue where to look. Persian [the attorney] smiled from ear to ear, and told the lady that we were very much in love. After she left Persian looked me deep in my eyes and said: "It's Karma, now we have to fall in love". I looked at him, and it suddenly strikes me what a wonderful man he is. Everything is against all odds - if I have to take my my dating preference in consideration:

1. He's Persian and not African American- my dating preference;
2. He's one year younger then me;
3. He has a lean body type and I normally prefer large or men with some extra pounds

I'm pretty guarded, and very shy around men but holding him and being hold by him felt incredible. He made me melt even more then Lion. He held my hand, and surprisingly I allowed him to do so. He said: "You never left my heart, my thoughts and you're even more breathtaking then in the last dream I had of you". Normally I would bitch that "I did not give you permission to do that", but for some reason he made me speechless. He has this fresh scent, and beautiful brown eyes [with the longest eye lashes you can imagine] so wide open that they provide a mirror to his soul. Talking to him is as easy as with King. Oh, Gosh King... I cannot think of him now. Persian and I talked for hours and we both lost track of time. I rescheduled my appointments for the day and he took the afternoon off. We talked and held hands until 7 PM.

When we had to go home, we both felt shy and awkward. Then he said: "I think we should honor the old lady". Before I could respond he KISSED me so tender and soft that I almost fainted. We kissed. KISSED. You might think: Ah, so what??!! I don't kiss on the first date, that only happened once. He does not meet my dating preferences but totally swept me off my feet. I mean TOTALLY. And now I'm confused. Where is this going?????????? What about King? What about my growing interest in DD? I'm relocating to CA; just finalized the details. How is an infatuation for Persian effecting my projected plans. It's absurd.

This is why I hesitate to publish this but if I don't, there will be a gap in the dating and life story of Angry Asian cookie. He gave me his business card again;wrote down his number and told me to call/email him this weekend. I'm sitting here staring at his card- should I call him or not. Should I, Should I ... oh, what should I do...

My Maman advised me to call him, so did my brother. It's midnight here, I mailed and text King; text DD and I'm sitting here pondering with total confusion about Persian. Beautiful and so sweet tasting Persian. What should I do........Maybe I should call Shabooty to ask him for advise; he might even know him.

Huggzz Dahlings

angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Birthday Count Down

Hey.. any plans for your birthday? My Virgo friend asked me today if I want to have dinner for my birthday. Birthday.. Birthday???! I completely forgot about my birthday. My new assignments, my other obligations, Ton, DD and King have been on my mind. Not so long after Virgo's call, Caribbean catched up with me:

Caribbean: Angry Asian Cookie, what are you doing on Tuesday?

Angry Asian Cookie: Not sure yet Caribbean. What's up on Tuesday?

Caribbean: isn't that your birthday?

Angry Asian Cookie: Ahhhhh.. it is on Tuesday... Not sure yet, maybe I'll take Vlindertje out. To be quite frank, I haven't given it a thought yet - you are the second person asking me this..but I squashed it away.

Caribbean: Let's go out for dinner.

Angry Asian Cookie: Let's discuss that later tonight

Camy: Snookie, I was looking into flying over to DC and spend some time with you on your birthday.

Angry Asian Cookie: oh, that's so thoughtful of you. I'm not sure yet what I'll do. But I'll let you know. Don't book a flight yet, ok Camy?

Dr. H: Paris, Boston, Amsterdam where do you want to go to on your birthday?

Angry Asian Cookie: don't know Pansje. I might want to spend it at home or ask Maman to fly over

Dr. H.: it's your birthday Papillion. I'll call you tomorrow for your final thoughts.

Besides Vlindertje and Maman, I would want to spend time with King on my birthday. Great to hear that my friends want to spend time with me, but I want to be with King. Tonight I'm flying to Milan, to meet Ton and his man for a crash visit. I'll be back for my birthday, and continue to post on this blog while I'm in Milan. King doesn't call/text and email me that frequently anymore. The distance is becoming an issue for him. In addition: our last conversation regarding DD, also made him shy away a bit. Leo's in general don't like to be teased with the thought of other players in the room. They insist and demand full attention and here's the thing: I long to provide him my full and focused attention however everyone knows when you do, you become less attractive to the guy because the hunt is not as challenging anymore; why are men so complicated??!!

Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Player

After I spoke with DD last night about our mutual interests such as work, I had a conversation with Fitness Guru. Fitness Guru and I met via a dating site a while ago, and we are still communicating. After meeting him once I felt that he was not a good match me. He's a darling but not for me. I like the more dangerous guys, who are creative, mysterious and intellectual on the same page as me. I switch into friendship mode after the first meeting. Now and then I ask him for advise regarding men or situations I'm in. Camy has been such friend and so is Samsonite. Today Fitness Guru asked me if I ever thought of it how sharing my stories and issues with men, might be selfish. And I was a bit taken off guard.
"Did it ever occur to you that even if you're in friendship mode and talk about the guy that you're interested with another male friend, this male friend might not want to hear about it. He might want to be with you. while you are gushing over another guy.." so did Fitness Guru say. "Did it occur to you that you - Angry Asian Cookie - might be a man in a woman's body? You treat men as men would treat women.. You go out on a date, then when their interested in you, you're not and you move on. The ones who treat you as garbage, you feel attracted to them, but the regular Joe cannot capture your attention"

OMG. am I a player? If I revisit my dates and the men I feel attracted to, I must admit I do feel attracted to men who are inapproachable, dangerous; exciting and don't pay me much of attention. The guys that bore me are showering me with attention, phone calls, sweet talk et cetera. Or they are temporarily chasuble but when they're emotionally attached to me, I'm not interested in them anymore. King is far away, he's not calling or mailing me 24/7, our status is still insecure although he mentioned he looked forward to make a baby and love the baby and me a lot. And shortly after he told me that, I found myself remotely interested in DD. Camy has been in love with me since I had piggy tails, but I was never interested in Camy romantically because he's too kind.

Am I a player? Am I? Now, I need to eat some chocolate.. I'm confused.


Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Jealousy

I spoke with Camy, one of my closest friends [see my first post on this blog] We catched up and spoke abit about the recession in the US. He told me CA has a deficit of over 4 million, and then adviced me not to relocate to CA... I had to give it a thought. And when I did, my phone rang and my new acquaintance DD was on the other line. DD lives in LA and is person who can hold an engaging conversation; he's interesting; intelligent; creative; funny and has the talent to actually listen to me and my verbal diarrhea. Actually I like him, our conversations last for hours without getting bored. Why are the cutiest men, in CA???? He invited me to visit him in LA and I might do that to be honest with you.

When I spoke to King last night and we spoke about his movie career, it crossed my mind to introduce him to DD. I heard this little voice telling me; You play with fire but Aries girl here decided not to listen to her inner voice. King was interested in DD's background, and then asked me: Do you think he'll be jealous of me? And it put a little smile on my face.. I responded with: Of course he will darling, who wouldn't you're sooo sexy. Remember, a Leo needs the admiration and Aries love to stroke a Leo's ego and purrr. He started to laugh out loud and my heart was jumping up and down again. He has a wonderful smile. After we hang up, I felt so good about our conversation, First and foremost because he, and I are so much on the same page regarding relationships. It's amazing everytime again..We're both not in a rush but at the same time we are..

This morning I text DD because he crossed my mind, and it was a bit odd because I almost felt as if I was cheating on King. He and King do have much commodities occupation wise, and creative aspects; their passions and so on. And DD is a good listener. Am I playing with fire? I know King would not be amused if I would have intense conversations with DD. Still, I like DD and to me there's nothing wrong with that.






Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

To Be or Not to Be

King and I talked last night and this morning. Although I have been chatting with a few new acquaintances, he manages to keep me intrigued by sharing bits and pieces of what's going on in his life. I still haven't figured out how, and if I want to deal with the madness of his professional and personal life. I'm flying to Milan but will be back next week. Ton's Spirit is leaving soon thus I do want to be close to him [and his boyfriend] when his Sunset arrives. It appears as if King understand that it's key for me to fly to Milan, but the underlying feeling is that he believes I should fly to CA and be with him prior to my Milan trip. For me it's impossible to accommodate his wish. As much as I desire to be with him; spend time with him-the reality is that I have Vlindertje; and other immediate issues requiring my attention. Of all people in the whole wide world, I'm falling for a guy who momentarily lives thousands of miles away. Are we both solid enough to-for starters-, maintain a long distance relationship?

I try not to call him each day or each moment he's crossing my mind. With every moment of joy, or a new experience, warm rain falling on my face; music that lift's my heart up, or when I receive a text from him- I want to tell him how much he means to me, and how hearing his voice makes me smile; how much I long to share every little accomplishment and moments of joy with him. I hope one day I can tell him how the thought of his hands holding the curves of my waist make me shiver; how my thoughts of him are nourishing the curves of my mind, and how he inspires me to dream, write and love again. Oh, Silly Bridget Jones.. Am I soliciting for a heartache?

I don't want to hold back, but I don't want to smother him with my emotions and feelings either. Why do we have to think about feelings and the consequences of our expressions for the appropriate "launching" of feelings and emotions? What about spontaneity? People who are close to me, are surprised how cautious I am with King. This, normally fiery and blunt Angry Asian Cookie, seems to be tamed by the King. Or is it my subconsciousness telling me: If he's the real deal - this only happens once in a life time - Fragile Caution handle with care ....

Do you guys have any idea how hard this is for a girl with Aries in Venus; Sun;Mercury; and Saturn??!! To Be or Not to Be that's the question?

Meanwhile all I can do is look at his picture's

Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Poetry - Suave

Sweetest Love, Honey Love, Suave Love
No more sense of sensing the foregone now I've met your spirit
I cannot desist your sweet soft sound, that sends me high to the finest stellar in my sky.

I fall apart, falling deep and hard, for you my love - for you
Your spirit and soul took over control so fast as a beam of lightning, almost frightening
Your consciences, keep me wide awake as an addict for the sweetest Chardonnay,
so suave

Gently I drink, lip you as liquid into me
Your velvet thoughts nourish, and remain deep within
Just like a waterfall you're there around it all
You stare at me from everywhere you stare
Now I shine in my bare naked emotions
it makes me fall, falling deep and elusive
Spin, Spinning until I twine into the conceiving of your dreams
Alluring and seductively I soar on the air you breathe
Imagine our love making, my moonlight, gleam as a beacon in the night
Float on the waves of suave passions now elude, elude and never be out of my sight



copyright © lotus tresor marie 2008

Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Chocolate Rocks!

Last night I was restless - I'm still suffering from a cold; I had no more chocolate left in the house; I couldn't go out dancing hence my miserable feeling, and I had not spoken to King because I didn't feel like it. I read some French and Italian Fashion magazine's; boiled eggs for my baby girl so we can decorate them for Easter and then I started to reflect on the last couple of weeks and my previous relationships.

I remembered the blog I had read from Anthony Miner: http://www.ifyoulikechocolateeatchocolate.blogspot.com

You should check his blog out he has some substantial posts. To cut along story short. This chocolate rocked my world. It's maybe an overstatement however it added to my moments of reflection.

I decided to write the author of this blog a note. Hey, I was out of chocolate; felt miserable; why not bother another person with my misery [I'm teasing of course...]

This is what I wrote to him:

Hello: I've been reading your blog over and over again. Gosh, if any of what you wrote is true I fell into all the common traps...And I LOVE chocolate. lol. I want to ask you something.

Have you seen the movie "Two can play that game"? There's an pre- "Two can play that game" - Angry Asian Cookie and a post- "Two can play that game"- Angry Asian Cookie.

Pre: I was playing cool, not giving in on emotional needs although I had/have them. Did my own thing with my girls;watch sports; go to games without my BF. and so on. If a guy didn't like me or wandered to much according to my taste: so what??? - life moves on and so did I.

Post: What if I really like[d] a guy, why am I denying that I feel what I feel?
I want to respond the way I feel like responding, and if he doesn't like it f*** him. I move on. I always kept my own life; with a demanding job; a kid; my girls; see a movie by myself; write poetry; cook for friends; watch football with my male friends and so on.
When I read your blog, I can see the common "mistakes" I make/made, but Anthony what if that is who I am and what if I want to be authentic and real?

Why do I have to be a person I'm not, to attract a guy and keep him??
If that is the case, he won't be with me for me.... And if all what you wrote is true [and I do believe it, don't get me wrong.. ] A man isn't even worth "losing" the real me because at the end he'll cheat anyways....

Here's my question: If every man is a potential cheater and I believe your hypothesis, then why should a woman dance this dance to ultimately lose her dignity; her own self-respect; and him - for what? How can this attitude change be beneficial for a woman??? Is it a man's world???

Then s*** men ... !!!!!

I feel unfortunate that I'm not a promiscuous girl. I wish I was, I wish I could jump from one bed or man into the other but that's not me. Not because I don't enjoy sex 24/7 but I don't feel it is me and the right thing to do. I have been in my life with less men then I can count on one hand. Did I date and do I date: Oh, absolutely.

So Mr. ifyoulikechocolateeatchocolate hence my infatuation for this particular CA man with a list of admirers I would according to your genesis lose him because of my configuration? Hmm, I might as well drop it like it's hot. (btw you do look hot *smile*) Or is there a way to be me and still be happily ever after?


I'm definitely curious about his response and I think I'll buy his book when it's out. Meanwhile... I need chocolate... It's great that when I feel sick, I lose weight and I can eat chocolate. I'm off to the store and buy me some...

Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Friendship

I have been working on this post for a while before I decide to post it today. My friends from Paris and Amsterdam visited me and it was great to see them again. They brought me Giovanna Guglielmi and Maria Barros (Italian and Spanish designers), spring collection items. I hooked up one of my girls with my realtor a couple of weeks ago and they seem to enjoy each other's company. Although I was happy to see my girls, I was also a little bit annoyed by the fact that the girl who I hooked up with my realtor apparently came to DC a couple of days ago and only came for a crash visit with me.
She and I have been friends since kindergarten. And to me, my friendships with my home girls are more important then a guy. Now, you spend five days with my realtor without given me a call you're in town, and when you do visit me you stay for 30 minutes.. COME ON....

Then in addition to this, I felt a little bit upset about King. Well not King himself but issues that involved him. We're both busy people and that's a good thing. We talk intensively about various subjects and our conversations are of substance. He's in CA and I'm in DC and we knew there would be a time were it would be hard for us to deal with the long distance part of our developing friendship. I made it clear to him that I'm only focusing on him. Again I'm an 101 man-woman person, in fact I told several of my admirers about King. Maybe a little bit premature but, I want to be honest and clear about where I stand and what I want. Nobody else has my full attention and devotion. Today I had left him a note on his website. A sweet note from me to him to let him know I was thinking of him. And I posted it anonymous but with words he and I only know. Then all over the sudden I saw that some of his fans had left him messages such as:
Oh what a nice comment you made about the pictures I've sent you. Oh, we should hook up some time.. call me.. I miss you.

There were a couple of those messages and I'm sure the pics he received were x rated - I'm not a possessive person, or very insecure. I only hope he's as clear about his feelings for me as I am about my feelings for him. It doesn't leave me a good feeling if he would continue to "feed" certain behavior while he and I are developing our friendship. Maybe men think differently, I don't know. I really don't. Bottom line is that I'm a bit sensitive this week. Friendship, loyalty and honesty are so important to me. Ultimately I want King to be my best friend, but that takes time. We do need to spend time together physically, but I also have a life with friends, aspirations, a friend who's dying, my Vlindertje, my relocation, a new career.. I cannot just drop that for him although he would like to have me in CA yesterday. Do I trust him, especially considering his position, his profession and so on. Yes, so far I do. Am I prepared [if we develop our friendship into a relationship] to deal with adoring fans on a daily basis? I'm not sure if I want/can deal with that.

Normally as an Aries, I would take action before I think. However, I've hit my head too many times that way. So this post is b/c letter to myself. This week I had some great moments with King; extremely spiritual and bonding, let me focus on that. He wants me to be there with him, that counts as well. So maybe I should brush this feeling off my shoulders. Or not...And what exactly is it that I feel...? It is most of all discomfort, I believe. Yes, that's the word. Discomfort in a developing friendship. How odd..


To be continued.

Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Power outage + Making Babies

Last night my community suffered from a power outage. I was in the middle of a story when it happened. My optimistic approach on situation as this is to create an opportunity to conduct activities different from the from the usual. Vlindertje was already in bed, when this occurred. I decided to find all the candles in the house; turn on some mood music and add an incense to fill the room with an sweet scent to make it even better.
I text King to share this moment. To be honest I wished he was there. Then I fooled around by referring to the facts that power outage could stimulate people into making babies. I seductively invited him to make a baby with me which is hard to do considering the fact he was CA sitting on a bench writing his screen play; watching the sea and I'm in DC. He then responded that he would love to make a baby with me and that our baby would be so beautiful and loved by the both of us.


Did I tell you that I'm silent when he talks, and when he says nothing at all manages to say it the best as well... I was silent. so silent and my heart was filled with joy. In his voice I could hear how serious he was about us having a baby. After a few, we started to kick around again and I finally went back to sleep ....to wake up in the middle of the night when every light turned on again...


According to a science article on ABC the largest blackout in history, the one of August 14, 2003, that affected some 50 million people in the northeast of the USA, and parts of Canada and the babies conceived were tremendous.





Of course I still believe that we should practise and practise before we actually hit a pot of gold....

a child of King and me would look like this...

Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

chicken soup

The last couple of days I've been working hard with my headhunter despite the fact I felt sad about Ton. Yesterday I visited a potential client downtown DC, and got caught up in the middle of a demonstration against the war in Iraq. When I was younger in Amsterdam, I have seen some demonstrations. The Netherlands, country of liberty and freedom of speech .. there's always a reason to find for a demonstration or strike. Our country is known for it's Union climate; all of our major industries and even the government have unified labor and contract agreements sealed with the Unions. And If we feel bad, I guess we demonstrate or strike. When I was working for a short period of time in the UK, I was surprised about the charming way of settling things when there would be a problem arising; Tea. Yes, my dearest TEA.

Over a cup of tea many arguments and conflicts are settled. Amazing isn't it?? I feel bad about Ton;I lost my voice for a day after my normal soft spoken voice was violated when I screamed out loud for hours after I heard about Ton; and as a result I cough and sound as sick old dog. King has been working on his novel, and a screen play so we've been texting instead of talking. As I mentioned before he wants to spend time with me, but I cannot leave to CA until I've seen Ton and wrap things up here. So what is the best thing this Angry Asian Cookie can do, to make herself feel better?

1. Listen to my favorite music;

2. Play with Vlindertje;

3. Write, write, write;

4. Normally talk with friend but with this voice...nope

5. Chicken Soup and cake

Yes, chicken soup, I don't know why but in my family we made chicken soup and cake when we feel abit under the weather. As if everything could be resolved with cake and chicken soup. Nowadays I think the chicken soup does cure flu, or colds... There's nothing natural about chicken anymore. There's is a battery antibiotics stock in each chicken.. so fresh made chicken soup equals free antibiotics over the counter for the flu, a cold and in my case my cough and my blues....And the cake.. of course it must be chocolate cake... no frosting hmmmmm

It's not so bad to be under the weather...under these circumstances.

Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Yes or No

I received a second request to publish my manuscripts.. and I'm torn between my emotions and my mind. The main reason that I'm blogging with my alter ego, and hesitating is because I'm shy when it comes an audience pr to be in the spotlight with my deepest emotions. Poetry is my soul's mirror that I sometimes share it with a friend or on this blog, but to open my soul for a broader audience. King encourages me to send my manuscript to the publisher. As a writer himself, he does understand my hesitation.

To Be Continued



Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Mega Blooper

Today I called King and a strange man picked up the phone. I threw me off a bit. That's when I decided to text him a message sharing the incident and some other daily happenings. Since we've been communication so many times, I memorized his numbers and typed it in the message. He responded back with a simple "Hello there to you" and I replied with more personal information and a picture.
I received a happy response back and after that last text, the following message made me want to disappear from the earth

Hey you're texting the wrong number... You're man is lucky; you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life according to the pictures you've enclosed. If your man ever mistreat you or you become single - please don't hesitate to call me.

OM F***** G.

I don't share much of my most private thoughts here on this blog, but I started to share it with King. I apologized and then realized I had typed one number incorrectly - probably because of my long nails.

Well, Bridget Jones did it again... How humiliating lol. King understood what happened when I explained the issue, however he was not comfortable with the fact that the man now has a private picture of me.

To Be Continued.....

Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

It's Official

It's Official... I'm in love. And the best thing is, it's his spirit and soul that completely knocked me off my feet. For the last couple of days we communicated so intense and with so much depth that he makes me quiet - which is a phenomenon. I only want to hear him and him alone. He's a well spring of inspiration for new poetry and I cannot wait to hold his hand again. In the back of my mind, I'm a realist and know that this cloud can come down and that chances are that we might never be a couple. So far I'm still on cloud 9, and I plan to enjoy it. My heart is racing, each time I hear from him. My head is spinning when I drink his words. My soul is yearning for his thoughts. My spirit sings a silent song, only he can hear...my King





Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Cloud 9

Last night I spoke of hours with both my brother [Dr.H.], King and another close friend. I cannot describe how energized I felt during my conversations however I didn't get much sleep at all. This morning, I'm reflecting on the conversations I had regarding: re-relocation [lol]; California, a new career, housing and my developing feelings for King. Goal-orientated as I am, I asked myself the following question: how do you eat an Elephant ? Answer: By bits and pieces.

This morning after so little sleep I still woke up [as usual] with a smile. My heart is racing, my soul is yearning and he continues to take my breath away. I never thought I would ever experience this; I have dreamed about this phenomenon, I read about it; and I imagined that I would once find my soul mate. Never in my wildest dream I expected it to feel like this. We are so incredible compatible and in sync with each others goals; dreams; expectations; desires and souls. I truly feel this is it - he's the One. Did I ever felt like this before? It came close but the flow of the communication I have with King is incomparable; the chemistry is astonishing both ways; the spiritual connection surpasses my imagination.

How are we handling the long distance.. first of all I have my dear friend Mos who has offered to let me stay at her place in CA. I'm trying to build resources for at least a couple of months to cover my relocation and my other expenses. Then when the time is there we MOVE! We''ll still be a two hours away from each other but we can catch a plane easily or do weekends. This way we can maintain the independence we both enjoy and take it from there.

Meanwhile we are both focused on accomplishing our other goals. Regardless how we finish, we both feel we'll be friends for life. He has the most beautiful soul and spirit I've ever encountered outside of my family. Oh meanwhile, if you need me: I'm on Cloud 9 *** Smile ****.





Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

I long to see you smile

So much has happened the last couple of days, and I didn't have the chance to blog about it but here we go.

GI Joe
Remember that I blogged about GI Joe? He and I finally had a chance to talk. I brought him the news that I don't want to marry him because I don't know him; don't love him and never met him. I also shared with him I met an individual that I start to develop feelings for.
I probably shouldn't have shared that last part. My thoughts were that this additional information might help to make GI Joe realize marriage to me is a loss cause. GI Joe started to demand questions why I preferred King as oppose to him [GI Joe]. Then he expressed that he thought it was unfair that he had such a disposition - he's in Iraq and King is here .....in CA. In response I tried to explain the dynamics between King and myself. Wrong stupid Bridget - he started to project it on himself. In my effort not to upset GI Joe too much I offered my platonic friendship, and told him that he probably is a great guy but not for me and I never met him.
A chat with GI Joe is always draining and I really didn't have the time or energy to go into too much details. Lucky for me my laptop crashed again

NoShow
Before I met Lion I was introduced to NoShow. I quickly had assessed NoShow, was a NoShow because every time we tried to schedule a date and he would not show up. In addition I found out he was still married but separated for eighth years but still slept with his wife. When we did met I couldn't overcome his physical appearance; his hygiene; his ghetto background; and his intellectual abilities. He wrote beautiful letters but to be honest I think he had downloaded them somewhere online because in real life his vocabulary didn't match his written skills. To cut a long story short, I wasn't interested. I told him that immediately and I offered a platonic friendship at maximum. He took that too literally and started to call me day and night. After a while he stopped calling but the last couple of days, he started his phone terror again. This time I blocked his number. Personally, I don't understand why a person would stalk another person who obviously made it clear she's not interested in you romantically.

Johns
I met Johns via a mutual friend. He is an older professional, very nice and distinguished, intelligent, but from my side there's no chemistry. We started talking about business and we met several of times with regards to that. He invited me a couple of times for a party and dance. We did have indepth conversation and he's a nice person but I'm falling for King that I made it clear that we can be friends and business partners but that's as far as I want him in my life. He's not accepting this fact. Why is it that men cannot handle a "no" or is it my naievity that men and women cannot be platonic if one has a crush on the other. Of course I have no intention to continue this friendship.

KING
Where do I even start...we have been text messaging, and talking by phone and people - I am falling for King. And I mean really falling and feeling this wonderful man. He has his own interests, hobbies and work but still shows enough interest in my life and is very supportive about whatever I undertake. Of course this works both ways. Our exchange is naughty; deep; sweet; funny and intellectual. We make each other smile, and when he's silent it's ok. I listen to him without he's saying one word. Last night he was excited about my dancing classes, and I was excited about his audition for a movie part. We shared dreams and goals, little and bigger things that have our interest. We had been on our call listening to our music and it was as if he was sitting next to me. Both of us trying to see who can visit who first. And you know what, I long to see him smile; hold his hand and be in his presence in real life again. If I can have one wish related to him and me, this would be my wish.

Gosh how will a long distance relationship work then again, I was already focused on relocation... maybe I should seriously consider CA.



Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Commercial Bonjour

Ever watch the Bonjour Dessert commercial? I'm not sure if it was aired in the US but it was a hit in Paris. Or have you seen the comparable "Heavenly Dark" commercial from Barton?




After the commercial, your craving for the Bonjour dessert makes you run to the store for it. That's exactly what I experience after my conversations and meeting King. We're anticipating on meeting each other again because of the "Bonjour" factor.
Our mutual interests;natural flow of communication; love for people; [performing] arts, culture; music and singing; charity;alumni connections;our curiousity for life; sense for adventure; and our chemistry is amazing.
We have the same expectations about our connection and we both live a bon vivant life. I never intended to start dating outside of the DC area and in addition he's a friend of Taurus - which reminds me that we have to give Taurus a heads up regarding our developing friendship. Taurus and I went out on a few dates but we never "dated" or did I made the decision to date him based on some "eyebrow raisers", and I'm sure that's mutual.

Despite both our busy life, King and I want to see each other NOW and figure out the details. I made a promise to myself and my friends that I would take it slow and I always keep my promise. It's helpful that we live so far away, it gives us both a chance to focus on our soul and minds first and foremost.

Meanwhile, I'm staring at the pics he sent me of him and his plane [Dr. H. will love that one], did I learn how to text in short codes, and feel inspired writing poetry and short stories again.


I secretly wonder if King might be the one ... who can tame me into a lamb...


Huggzz Dahlings


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com