tick me off

I had no plans to blog about this but the last couple days I randomly encountered some people during my lunch hour; running around; business meetings; via friends who got a bit on my nerves. Usually, I smile and brush it off - I have a pretty joyous nature. But today I when I was with Vlindertje, and I had to address one particular issue with an individual. We were on our way back from the mall and this person addressed me in front of Vlindertje. He complimented me on my legs, and my eyes. Vlindertje and I were both very uncomfortable with his approach In addition he stepped into my personal space, and was obviously drunk [ 6:00 PM EST]. I friendly asked him to step aside and not to speak with me anymore but he ignored me. When he was about to lay his hands on Vlindertje's hair, I had to intervene less diplomatic. I also buzzed BB, who came to the rescue within five minutes.

After this incident, I spoke to my brother and Camy. They understood the urgency especially considering my overall diplomatic and gentle demeanor We started to talk about what would tick us off and by the time I hung up the phone I was laughing with tears in my eyes. Of course I'm sharing our " did I tick you off???" list.



HOW TO TICK ME OFF

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper,
99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while
talking to me.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather
conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything I say with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to
me [your boss].
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your
ears and grimacing.
13 Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge
across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while every time I'm counting [ one time is
funny]
15. When I almost about to seat say " Sit dog"
16. When you refer to yourself and yourself only as "we"
17. Adjust the tint on my HD that all the people are green, and tell me
that "everyone else likes it that way"
18. Staple pages in the middle of the page
19. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
20. Make a certain sound by putting you hand under your arm pit and
and make motions
21. Honk and wave to strangers and scream out the window how lucky
you are that's I'm your date tonight
22. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
complimentary mints at the cash register.
23. TYPE IN UPPERCASE
24 type only in lowercase, in official letters
25 Don't use any punctuation either in memos
26. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole
streets.
27. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times."DO YOU HEAR
THAT?""What?""Never mind, it's gone now."
28. As much as possible, skip rather than walk in company of my
professional network.
29. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of
your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up,"
and repeat.
30. Ask my mother what gender she is
31. While making presentations, bob your head like a parakeet every 2
minutes
33. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if
they slow down.
34. Sing along at the opera in presence of my President and my mother.
35. Go to my poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
36. On our first social event with my co-workers ask my co-workers
mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook.
37. Mutter something about "psychological profiles"
38. Start dinner while my father is still praying and use your fingers
instead of our silverware.
39. Drop and break my mother's China, and give then comment
that we now have a great excuse to replace our "ugly China" which
actually is handmade china we inherited from my great
grandmother.
40. Ask my mother that you always wanted to know if Asian actually see
less because of the narrowness of our eyes.

What ticks you off?



Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Lose me in 1-5 days

Remember the movie: How to lose a guy in 10 days...

This is my version of how to lose me after one to five days. This list is compiled after real experiences while dating.


1. On our first date you starts to cry about your former girlfriend

2. Your date has children and their God Father is your ex and you just found out because your ex had disappeared from your date's map for a while

3. @ restaurant your date is asking your assistance with determining how to use the silverware..

4. Your phone rings every 5 minutes and you try to convince me that you have different nicknames for your 7 daughters when I ask who Monica;Bianca; Lois; Cyrus; Sharon; Joy; Gina; Rebecca;Ann; Mo; Margret; Daisy; Cindy; Jessica is.

5. You're smitten because I remind you so much of your mother who's most exciting activity is collecting post stamps

6. Say you have a big romantic night planned, then take me to a grass root event, followed by a visit to a campaign office so I can help you count your reps.

7. Let me wait with your friend who's trying to put his hands on my derriere all night while you get your car and then forget about me when you decide to walk to your loft around the corner of the club we visited because you're drunk.

8. Compliment me on my style and then mention how much I
remind you of your ex and your mother

9. You tell me that you want to put on some "mood music," then bust out some uncoordinated choreographed moves on an AC/DC CD.

10. Make up a touchdown dance for when I go home

11. Tell me "I think horses are so beautiful and elegant; you remind me of a horse".

12. Tell me you're ready to take our relationship to the next level and that you've signed up for couples' yoga-trust us

13. Your mother calls you every 5 minutes and asks if you have taken your allergy pills yet....

14 Introduce me to your Playboy Magazine collection from 1990 to date

15. Tell me about the dream you had involving me, your ex and your cousin

16. Eight words: "You're so much more fun when I drink."

17. Tell me you bought me a present, give me Madden 2007, then ask if you can borrow it.

18. Invite all your under 23 year old "buddies" on our first date and ask me to fix them something for dinner

19. On our first date you present me your last medical record that displays that you had all types of STDs; tell me you now use condoms and that the treatment for herpes wasn't as bad as you thought.

20. You fall asleep on my lap because you're drunk and you weigh over 360 pounds and I cannot remove you from my lap without asking assistance from your even more drunken friends

When compiling this list I laughed out loud because it is hilarious that this actually happened...



Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com