The author wrote me back, You can read his response. I think we should all buy his book. Sometimes the truth is hard and painful, but I appreciate the truth above everything else [can you hear the Aries girl talking ...]
Comment on my previous blog post: http://angryasiancookie.blogspot.com/search/label/Chocolate
Thank you for writing I appreciate the conversation.
If I understand your questions, you want to know how come you can’t be yourself in a relationship or how can you be your authentic self in a relationship, especially when you have feeling. In the first part you actually answered your own question.“I feel unfortunate that I'm not a promiscuous girl. I wish I was, I wish I could jump from one bed or man into the other but that's not me. Not because I don't enjoy sex 24/7 but I don't feel it is me and the right thing to do. I have been in my life with less men then I can count on one hand Did I date and do I date”
Most women are like you they aren’t interest or don’t have the internal need to have multi sexual partners; whereas men instinctively do. We can analyze it 100 different ways. And at the end of the day men are men with basic needs and women are women. Both will behave based on their genetic makeup, which was encoded when caveman existed. Modern men behave are a new concept. The other point is that you being a mom and a female know what it feels like to love someone or something unconditionally.
The only person you can love unconditionally is your child and they are the only person or people you ever really know. You’ll only know your child until about the age of 13 – at which time they begin to have their own lives and secrets. Loving your child or a pet is different than loving a man… The difference being…
1. You don’t know the man you are with. And he doesn’t know you. I guarantee you both have secret that you’ll never share with each other. Even if the secret is something that you live out in your head, (maybe you want a threesome – maybe you want to be rich – maybe it’s a childhood experience that you would like to forget) whatever it is or whatever you want or need you aren’t going to share with you partner – for whatever reason.
2. We are all evidence of being conditioned by society. We are influenced by our parents, schools, friends, media, church etc. As a result we are insecure, live in fear, pain, doubt etc. So are the men you are dating are influenced and you have to know how to deal with these influences. I get it you don’t want to play game and that you want to love someone unconditionally.
The question is how can you love someone unconditionally who is conditioned? When you go to work do you show up as your authentic self? When you don’t want to be bothered do you tell your boss… f*** off? When you go to your kid’s PTA, school meeting or play dates do you show up as your authentic self? No we all play the game to get the job done. We all put on the happy face at work. If we don’t we all be fired etc. Do you think Oprah, David Letterman, Leno likes every guest!!!!
When children come into the world they arrive as their authentic selves, until we as parent stomp that idea. Kids in school can’t be their authentic selves because we encourage them with unrealistic expectation. For example – most parents have the same grade objective which is for their kids to get straight A’s. I’ve never heard a parent say get straight B’s or mix it up with A’s B’s or C’s. Have you? When we tell our kids to get straight A’s aren’t we teaching our kids to be their authentic selves we are teaching them to play a game. Not all kids love history or math equally. Your child might love math, therefore get an A.
The men you are or have dated were at one time in grade school they too were told to get straight A’s. The point is we are all conditioned by our influences. Unfortunately we can’t walk through life being our authentic selves 100% of the time and in 100% situations; relationships are one of those area. Ironically, when a man shows up being his authentic self and adores you unconditionally you aren’t interested. You’ll call him boring or needy. Very few people want someone to drown them in unconditional love and attention. We all like the chase. I hope this makes sense…
Written by the author of http://www.ifyoulikechocolateeatchocolate.blogspot.com
It does make sense but does it mean that even if we say or feel we want to be loved unconditionally that we don't really grasp the consequences of unconditional love? If I read the author's response correctly we want to be chased and not smothered. I like to be chased but ultimately I want unconditional love from a masculine man. I desire a man who still loves his football, has his boys night out, do his own things but loves me unconditional. Roooaaar, men are so complicated uhhhh. I agree with the author regarding the unconditional love for my child and the conditions and dynamics of our society. A great book is written about that topic: the Monster convenant by Carolien Roodvoets. Everyone who is interested in these dynamics and how it defines our personality and relationships, it is a must to read!
Meanwhile, I'm taking of my bunny suit and go out again for a walk. I'll join the dogs in the park barking because I still sound like dog or a smokin' sailor uhhhhHugzzz Dahlings,
angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com
