Last night I was restless - I'm still suffering from a cold; I had no more chocolate left in the house; I couldn't go out dancing hence my miserable feeling, and I had not spoken to King because I didn't feel like it. I read some French and Italian Fashion magazine's; boiled eggs for my baby girl so we can decorate them for Easter and then I started to reflect on the last couple of weeks and my previous relationships.
I remembered the blog I had read from Anthony Miner: http://www.ifyoulikechocolateeatchocolate.blogspot.com
I remembered the blog I had read from Anthony Miner: http://www.ifyoulikechocolateeatchocolate.blogspot.com
You should check his blog out he has some substantial posts. To cut along story short. This chocolate rocked my world. It's maybe an overstatement however it added to my moments of reflection.
I decided to write the author of this blog a note. Hey, I was out of chocolate; felt miserable; why not bother another person with my misery [I'm teasing of course...]
This is what I wrote to him:
Hello: I've been reading your blog over and over again. Gosh, if any of what you wrote is true I fell into all the common traps...And I LOVE chocolate. lol. I want to ask you something.
Have you seen the movie "Two can play that game"? There's an pre- "Two can play that game" - Angry Asian Cookie and a post- "Two can play that game"- Angry Asian Cookie.
Pre: I was playing cool, not giving in on emotional needs although I had/have them. Did my own thing with my girls;watch sports; go to games without my BF. and so on. If a guy didn't like me or wandered to much according to my taste: so what??? - life moves on and so did I.
Post: What if I really like[d] a guy, why am I denying that I feel what I feel?
I want to respond the way I feel like responding, and if he doesn't like it f*** him. I move on. I always kept my own life; with a demanding job; a kid; my girls; see a movie by myself; write poetry; cook for friends; watch football with my male friends and so on.
When I read your blog, I can see the common "mistakes" I make/made, but Anthony what if that is who I am and what if I want to be authentic and real?
Why do I have to be a person I'm not, to attract a guy and keep him??
If that is the case, he won't be with me for me.... And if all what you wrote is true [and I do believe it, don't get me wrong.. ] A man isn't even worth "losing" the real me because at the end he'll cheat anyways....
Here's my question: If every man is a potential cheater and I believe your hypothesis, then why should a woman dance this dance to ultimately lose her dignity; her own self-respect; and him - for what? How can this attitude change be beneficial for a woman??? Is it a man's world???
Then s*** men ... !!!!!
Have you seen the movie "Two can play that game"? There's an pre- "Two can play that game" - Angry Asian Cookie and a post- "Two can play that game"- Angry Asian Cookie.
Pre: I was playing cool, not giving in on emotional needs although I had/have them. Did my own thing with my girls;watch sports; go to games without my BF. and so on. If a guy didn't like me or wandered to much according to my taste: so what??? - life moves on and so did I.
Post: What if I really like[d] a guy, why am I denying that I feel what I feel?
I want to respond the way I feel like responding, and if he doesn't like it f*** him. I move on. I always kept my own life; with a demanding job; a kid; my girls; see a movie by myself; write poetry; cook for friends; watch football with my male friends and so on.
When I read your blog, I can see the common "mistakes" I make/made, but Anthony what if that is who I am and what if I want to be authentic and real?
Why do I have to be a person I'm not, to attract a guy and keep him??
If that is the case, he won't be with me for me.... And if all what you wrote is true [and I do believe it, don't get me wrong.. ] A man isn't even worth "losing" the real me because at the end he'll cheat anyways....
Here's my question: If every man is a potential cheater and I believe your hypothesis, then why should a woman dance this dance to ultimately lose her dignity; her own self-respect; and him - for what? How can this attitude change be beneficial for a woman??? Is it a man's world???
Then s*** men ... !!!!!
I feel unfortunate that I'm not a promiscuous girl. I wish I was, I wish I could jump from one bed or man into the other but that's not me. Not because I don't enjoy sex 24/7 but I don't feel it is me and the right thing to do. I have been in my life with less men then I can count on one hand. Did I date and do I date: Oh, absolutely.
So Mr. ifyoulikechocolateeatchocolate hence my infatuation for this particular CA man with a list of admirers I would according to your genesis lose him because of my configuration? Hmm, I might as well drop it like it's hot. (btw you do look hot *smile*) Or is there a way to be me and still be happily ever after?
I'm definitely curious about his response and I think I'll buy his book when it's out. Meanwhile... I need chocolate... It's great that when I feel sick, I lose weight and I can eat chocolate. I'm off to the store and buy me some...
Hugzzz Dahlings,
angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com
1 comments:
Good Morning and Happy Easter ~
Thank you for writing I appreciate the conversation. If I understand your questions, you want to know how come you can’t be yourself in a relationship or how can you be your authentic self in a relationship, especially when you have feeling. In the first part you actually answered your own question.
“I feel unfortunate that I'm not a promiscuous girl. I wish I was, I wish I could jump from one bed or man into the other but that's not me. Not because I don't enjoy sex 24/7 but I don't feel it is me and the right thing to do. I have been in my life with less men then I can count on one hand Did I date and do I date:”
Most women are like you they aren’t interest or don’t have the internal need to have multi sexual partners; whereas men instinctually do. We can analyze it 100 different ways. And at the end of the day men are men with basic needs and women are women. Both will behave based on their genetic makeup, which was encoded when caveman existed. Modern men behave are a new concept.
The other point is that you being a mom and a female know what it feels like to love someone or something unconditionally. The only person you can love unconditionally is your child and they are the only person or people you ever really know. You’ll only know your child until about the age of 13 – at which time they begin to have their own lives and secrets.
Loving your child or a pet is different than loving a man… The difference being… 1. You don’t know the man you are with. And he doesn’t know you. I guarantee you both have secret that you’ll never share with each other. Even if the secret is something that you live out in your head, (maybe you want a threesome – maybe you want to be rich – maybe it’s a childhood experience that you would like to forget) whatever it is or whatever you
want or need you aren’t going to share with you partner – for whatever reason.
2. We are all evidence of being conditioned by society. We are influenced by our parents, schools, friends, media, church etc. As a result we are insecure, live in fear, pain, doubt etc. So are the men you are dating are influenced and you have to know how to deal with these influences.
I get it you don’t want to play game and that you want to love someone unconditionally. The question is how can you love someone unconditionally who is conditioned? When you go to work do you show up as your authentic self? When you don’t want to be bothered do you tell your boss… f*** off? When you go to your kid’s PTA, school meeting or play dates do you show up as your authentic self? No we all play the game to get the job done. We all put on the happy face at work. If we don’t we all be fired etc. Do you think Oprah, David Letterman, Leno likes every guest!!!!
When children come into the world they arrive as their authentic selves, until we as parent stomp that idea. Kids in school can’t be their authentic selves because we encourage them with unrealistic expectation. For example – most parents have the same grade objective which is for their kids to get straight A’s. I’ve never heard a parent say get straight B’s or mix it up with A’s B’s or C’s. Have you? When we tell our kids to get straight A’s aren’t we teaching our kids to be their authentic selves we are teaching them to play a game. Not all kids love history or math equally. Your child might love math, therefore get an A.
The men you are or have dated were at one time in grade school they too were told to get straight A’s. The point is we are all conditioned by our influences. Unfortunately we can’t walk through life being our authentic selves 100% of the time and in 100% situations; relationships are one of those area. Ironically, when a man shows up being his authentic self and adores you unconditionally you aren’t interested. You’ll call him boring or needy. Very few people want someone to drown them in unconditional love and attention. We all like the chase.
I hope this makes sense…
You can call me anytime (323)816-3151
Yes I’ve seen the movie “Two Can Play The Game” I did not see the post, but I will.
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