Reflections

This week Vlindertje and one of my friends had their birthday. We threw a great party, and had dinner at marrakesh restaurant. The company was great and I had the opportunity to eat traditional Moroccan dishes. In Europe I had the privilege to meet several Moroccans and enjoy their hospitality. Once invited to a Moroccan dinner party I fell in love with the Moroccan Cuisine. Moroccan dishes are traditionally consumed with freshly brewed sweet mint tea, and the foods allows you to eat with your fingers.

Eating with your fingers is sensual experience to me. I love feeling the couscous on my fingers and lick the ingredients of my fingers one by one. At Marrakesh you are provided with silverware however I decided to eat my food with my fingers. My dinner mate kept on staring at me, and then mentioned to be cautious hence the effect on the other customers watching me enjoying a perfectly cooked meal. Naughty as I am, I teased my dinner mate and we had a blast. Later on we decided to take a stroll and nearby I decided to tap into an ATM machine. My dinner mate then removed me from the ATM - he felt it wasn't safe. When we walked back half an hour later, we witness police officers and a crime victim at the ATM whereas I was about to perform an transaction. The Angels were definitely guarding us that evening.

My brother had obtained a membership for me at an international club and I'm attending some events scheduled in June. I do look forward to meet minds of quality and enjoy great cultural exposure. I'm sure I'll report back about these events later on. Meanwhile it kept me thinking of Fitness Guru and his numerous attempts to find vehicles to network and ultimately marry bridezilla. I started to compile a message that I tried to disseminate via MySpace;Facebook or yahoo however I discovered that he deleted me as a friend. Revisiting my attempt to reach out to him and remain friends after my assessment to determine he was not my cup of cake, I believe it takes a strong person who values people and willing to appreciate another person's value without expectations. I cannot be his partner, but I can be a friend. Friendship to me is the baseline of any type of personal relationship. I'm not sad about his actions, because I believe that people I meet along my journey all have their value. I respect their choices, and hope that they continue to have a wonderful journey themselves.

Enjoy your Memorial Weekend !

updates

For the last couple of weeks I have neglecting my blog simply because I'm swamped by work, and social networking. A lot has happened.but most significant is that my best friend has admitted to have a major crush on me for awhile; King and and I growing and closer to each other; Fitness Guru - who I have been advising on his career adventures - has expressed to have a "distinctive plan" after a negative interview outcome; King and Tyrese are not on speaking terms.; I discovered schickdreamsdate a site I think everyone should visit.

So where to start:

My best friend and I

Have you seen my best friends wedding and Made of Honor ? well, I should have auditioned for it. *sigh*

My best friend and I go along way; he and I are very comfortable together -that is I would change clothes in front of him; I tell him about my dates; my crushes; we gossip together and so forth. He's a girlfriend in a men's body and I'm totally not attracted to him. In fact I never considered him a sexual being - isn't that a terrible thing??!!! Now check this out: last week we were chillin' and King called. King and I were fooling around on the phone - just having a blast. And my best bud's face was getting darker and darker. I told King that I had to hang up to chill with my best bud. I sat down and ask him : Bud - what's going on - you know you cannot hide anything from me. Your face speaks for itself. So make a confession, let me listen to what's up and we figure it out together how to eat this elephant!

Well, my jaw dropped when he started to stutter and telling me that he had been crushing on me since we met.

Bud: Angry Asian Cookie I don't know how this is effecting our friendship but I can't go through with this anymore.

Angry Asian Cookie: Go through with what? can you be more specific?

Bud: Angry Asian Cookie we both are close and our friendship is amazing but I have grown to love you.

Angry Asian Cookie: Of course Silly I love you too... You know that.. You don't have to worry about that!!

Bud: Angry Asian Cookie you're not hearing me; I'm in love with you. I want to kiss you, hold you and make love to you.

I want King to go elf himself and have you for myself. I want you to look at me as a partner and not as a buddy. I fantasize of us and you. And I have been keeping this to myself because I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. On the same note it's tearing me apart to see you in love with King. And I can't handle it anymore.

Angry Asian Cookie: " Oh" ...... Bud I had no idea... I mean .. But you... How... Hmmm well... uh,... OMG... what do you want me to say?

Bud and I parted that evening. We still hang out, we still text and call but everything has changed. I don't feel comfy anymore undressing while chatting with him. I don't share my King stories to the extend that it might hurt Bud. And I try to avoid any physical contact. Unfortunately, it did change our friendship because I don't want to hurt his feelings more then I probably unintentionally did. I regret not seeing this coming. I would have been more sensitive and cautious.

The Closer I get to you...

Despite some of my blogger friends and other readers predicted I'm still very much in luv with King. We are communicating more intrinsic and we are growing closer and closer. He is a bit impatient and I can't blame him. We are scheduled to see each other next month. I keep teasing him on the phone just to hear him laugh, act silly [which is not that hard since I'm Bridget Jones' twin sister] The time differences are creating huge sacks under my eyes but the last thing I want to hear when I fall asleep is his voice. He's becoming my heart's joy. Each day seems so fabulous - and every time he calls my hearts skips a beat and I produce this silly grin on my face. Yep, she's still very much in love! 

Fitness Guru career adventures 

Fitness Guru and I have been chatting mostly about clubbing and his career advancement. Fitness Guru is on a mission; he wants to get married and for that he believes clubbing is instrumental. Where Fitness Guru is located - according to him - is not much to do. Hand in hand with finding Bridezilla, goes his career advancement. With his current employer he has reach his ceiling and he wants to buy a house; fix his car; buy a ring; pay for the wedding with the unidentified Bridezilla; and date. Now dating is expensive according to him. He expressed his growing frustration when he was up in my area took me out for dinner and I had decided that he and I were no match but, I had indicated that staying friends would great. Fitness Guru mentioned that he didn't want to hear about my friends and I had no clue how much effort and money it had cost him to get to DC and take me out for dinner without accomplishments the projected results : a relationship with me.... I offered to assist Fitness Guru with finding his dream job. To me this means planning a strategy and target your efforts instead of ineffective applying for jobs. Fitness Guru obtained a BS in marketing but after assessing his knowledge, and experience I doubted if he would be able to step into even an entry level position in that area. If you are not even remotely aware of the main principles of marketing, write your own cover letter. resume I doubt if you can step up to the plate of positions that would generate the type of income he has projected. Secondly, his most solid experience is in Fitness. His knowledge of budgeting, strategic planning et cetera is not even on an average level. I advised him to either gain more knowledge by taking some course work or focusing on his experience and strength. He felt somewhat offended when I asked him more specifically how he would do his job search, net working and so on. He told me he had a plan but couldn't talk about it by chat, because I typed to fast. When we finally got on the phone, I asked him again, so tell me what's your plan and maybe I can give you some suggestions or feedback. His plan was to search for jobs.........Well, we already had establish that.. sounds like a great plan..... Back to the clubbing; I go out in DC and hit some of the clubs around M and K, or U street. Park; Josephine's; Fly; to name a few. Fitness Guru suggested if he could hang out with me and my friends, to find Bridezilla. I was carefully letting him know that going out in DC with my friends is not the cheapest way of clubbing and gave him a head up of what my normal expenses are when I go out. He got really upset and then cut me of chat. Fitness Guru to me is too much obsessed with finding a bride; very anal behavior - instead of just having fun, let life happen, be happy with yourself and then you might attract some great women who are interested in you for you. Spending money you don't have is not the most attractive asset a man can offer. If I were him I would hit the gym and do what I would do best and attract a lovely young lady there. Or maybe go out for dinner in an all you can eat buffet ; something that's affordable for you....Does that makes sense???!!! 

Tyrese and King 

King and Ty have some sort of a beef going on, and it's a pity that childish behavior or insecurities have such an impact on people. King thought is was kinda cute how I had this thing going on for Tyrese. It was more focused on his music and inspirational side of his personality as oppose to his romantic side of his personality. But I started to hold back in general after deciding to focus on King. King apparently is more sensitive for my interaction with Ty then I suspected. When we spoke about King's new movie project I wondered if he would included Ty in it for one of the characters. His response was - no chance in hell. Oopse...after explaining his reasons why, I understood his point of view. I guess what King told me was not news to me; but not so much on the surface for outsiders. In my opinion certain display of behavior is childish and not very attractive. then again. it has nothing to do with me. !!! It has been quite a week, King is chillin with friends and planning his trip to see me, and I'm still working hard on moving to CA. More about those developments later. 

Dragon Confessions

Last night I was invited to a social event in one of DC's hottest places to be www.dragonconfessions.com.

Erwin is the sweetest and a very talented young man. There was a DJ present ; a fantastic fashion show and I had invited one of my friends who I have been working with professionally www.jezign.com. In the confession booth I made some unbelievable confession - I had so much fun with Rafael who was the MC/ camera coordinator. i stick-ed to the virgin cocktails and they were absolutely delicious.  While partying I had a manicure and my eyes done - I thought I deserved it after such a long and draining day. I had no chance to change my outfit for the party so I was pretty casual but wearing my sexy white boots. Of course I couldn't walk on them but hey who cares .. lol

Both King and DD were texting back and forth about the event and it felt good that they were supportive about my plans for that evening.  King is opening up so much that it makes my heart sing. I'm wrapping up in DC and it feels good that I have a future in CA and maybe with King. 

I was gushing over King with Fitness Guru when he told me again I was playing the field. I was shocked he still perceived me as a player. His perception is founded on the fact that we went out and after that I wasn't really interested in pursuing a relationship with him. He couldn't be further away from the truth. In his opinion I like being single and want to have bites of several cookies. Maintaining a friendship after assessing you and an individual are not compatible is in my dictionary not playing a field. The option of a relationship is closed, but I don't see why we cannot be friends. Having many friends who have some what of a crush on me, this is not a exception. Does that make me a player? I don't think so.

As a matter of fact, ever since I've been in love with King I don't like to be single because I now know what it is to miss a companion when he's not around. And I miss him when we don't speak with each other. I'm planning to see him for a weekend, it would do both of us good. We haven't seen each other since the end of January. I also want to visit and hang out with DD

I have to confess that I do enjoy DD's conversations but I'm committed to King and the sense of belonging is strong. I don't get tempted to explore DD further then what we have now but I know he's mature enough to handle that unlike other's...

Update!

It's been awhile that I've been posting messages on my blog for several reasons:

• all my laptops,  and PCs either crashed, died or malfunctioned;
• my efforts to repair a fairly new laptop was journey to hell - thanks Gateway;
• I was dealing with multiple challenges at the same time

Dating Up date

    Persian

Lots has happened. After my reunion with Persian, that same weekend I didn't contact him. I can tell you this - I had his business card in my hand on Saturday and Sunday but didn't had the guts to pick up the phone and dial his number. I consulted my friends Mos, Camy, and Dr. H and all advised me to call him.  I felt confused after our kiss and my feelings for King. 

On Monday I decided to call Persian. Before even picking up the phone, I practiced what I would say  when he would pick up the phone. It was so pathetic that I even wrote down what I intended to say. I almost felt as a high school girl. When I finally had the guts to call' I was redirected to his voice mail. I'm ashamed to tell but I hang up the phone. ohh.. it was  sooooooo girlie and immature. 

The second time around, I managed to leave him a message:

Hey Persian - this is Angry Asian Cookie. As promised I would give you a buzz. I hope you had a fabulous weekend and I look forward to hear all about it. Please do give me a call back after retrieving my message.

After five  very, very long minutes, my cell rang:

Persian: So you finally decided to pick up the phone and give me a call?

Angryasiancookie: Hey Persian ... good to hear from you.. sorry Persian that it took me so long  to get back at you.

Persian: I'm glad you did. It's good to hear your voice - it compliments the image that I have of us kissing...

Angryasiancookie: uhhh. well uhmmm ehhh..

Persian:[chuckles] Are you blushing? and looking for words..? Amazing - you're never without a wit response.. you look cute when you blush

Angryasiancookie:  uhhh well uhhh I'm not blushing..

Persian: sure you're not.. 

Angryasiancookie: can we change the subject to your weekend??!! How was your weekend?

Persian: My weekend was great; I was expecting your call though..I had a birthday party; danced; coached my  volleyball team to the qualifications. And you? Did you think about me ?

Angryasiancookie: oh, that sounds like a great weekend...yes, I thought of you briefly.. [ahh why did I say that?!!]

Persian: briefly? Oh that's my ego dropping on the floor....

Angryasiancookie: you're silly 

Persian: that indicates that you and I should spend more time together. Do you want to grab a coffee later on today?

Angryasiancookie: I'm at Busboys... as we speak

Persian: I can be there in 10 

Angryasiancookie: ohh no - don't stress your schedule let's meet another time

Persian: I want to seize the moment and kiss you.

Angryaasiancookie: but I'm not dressed to meet you.

Persian: good-  no clothes are necessary,  but hmmm you created a killing field of men out there didn't you?  [chuckles]

Angryasiancookie: you're nuts - I meant I'm wearing my professional and boring attire..

Persian: Baby .. with or without clothes it's you I'll see. Be here in 10 

Persian hung up the phone. 

Persian and  I met and we did kiss again. I felt awkward and yet blissful. I thought about King Then I told Persian about King and my developing feelings for him. I also shared my growing friendship with DD. Persian responded with: " Angryasiancookie: I don't see a ring on your finger but do admire your honesty. Let's take it one step at the time". I have no intention to lose contact with you and I want us to connect and be close friends.".

When we left the establishment I was still a bit confused but I smiled all day.

Mos responded - after I shared my  Persian experience -:"Maybe this is karma, and should you stay in DC".  Persian and I continued to see each other; about that later. 

  King

Although King and I don't talk on a daily base like DD and I. When we talk it seems as if I'm talking to myself, like as twin souls. The engaging conversations are as warm streaming water caressing my body; his voice is soothing; our souls simply connect.  Our relationship approach is simultaneous which makes our interaction smooth and understanding. I did tell him what happened with Persian.  He responded that he wants to visit me, and we should anticipate on my relocation.  When I was robbed last week - about that later- he was livid and so concerned. He checked in on  me the whole evening. It was so endearing while I'm writing this piece he's in Vegas at a marathon and trying to assure me that I will never have to be afraid again when he's there to protect me. Now how can I not melt for that??? 

DD

DD and I speak almost every day. He writes just like me and we started writing jointly on a children's book. He's so sweet, creative, caring and intelligent. How can I not like him?

Books and other Updates

 My poetry is scheduled to be published within two weeks. When I was on the radio with Alan Currie, I met Bennie Randall on the live chat of the show. Bennie and I started to communicate and I shared some of my poetry. Bennie gave me some great advice regarding the publishing of my books.  I would recommend you to take a look at  www.bennierandall.com.

He has interesting material posted on the site.

Ton

My friend Ton passed last week. I was fortunate to celebrate his life in Milan. He will always be my Angel. 

Virgo

Virgo and I never met but we do chat and talk on the phone a lot. The last few times he insists that we should meet but to be quite honest with you, I have my hands full with DD, King and Persian. Virgo is cool though.

Fitness Guru 

I have kept my distance with Fitness Guru. Primarily because he's too nice and we simply are no match. He once mentioned I was clueless regarding men; and I was like a man in woman's body.In addition I felt as if he felt some resent after we met - mentioned that he had to jump through hoops to see me that one time. I feel bad about that, but I cannot help my feelings. In fact I don't feel any connection at all other then a platonic friendship. He called the other day after sending me a text.  When he mentioned he was staring at a picture of my lips and how they would fit his ...... I tuned off, when he mentioned he was extremely excited, I had to end the conversation. It's hard for me to deal with an awkward moment as this one. 

Laptops, Pcs; Ipods

All my laptops and my desktops died at the same time. My efforts to get them fixed were unsuccessful. After my experiences with the customers service of Dell and Gateway, I decided to buy a new Mac. And I love my Mac!

I'll never write about my previous marriage or my divorce and I'll keep it that way. One thing though: I had an apple Ipod and I had bought one for my popper ex as well. After the divorce I found out he had switched my Ipod for a fake version and sold mine. It was not a big deal, if it made the popper happy so be it. With my Mac I bought both me and Vlindertje an Ipod. I'm struggling with the transition of data from my old tops and desk soon I'll be able to listen to my music again. 

I'll keep you posted now I'm back online!

Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Player

After I spoke with DD last night about our mutual interests such as work, I had a conversation with Fitness Guru. Fitness Guru and I met via a dating site a while ago, and we are still communicating. After meeting him once I felt that he was not a good match me. He's a darling but not for me. I like the more dangerous guys, who are creative, mysterious and intellectual on the same page as me. I switch into friendship mode after the first meeting. Now and then I ask him for advise regarding men or situations I'm in. Camy has been such friend and so is Samsonite. Today Fitness Guru asked me if I ever thought of it how sharing my stories and issues with men, might be selfish. And I was a bit taken off guard.
"Did it ever occur to you that even if you're in friendship mode and talk about the guy that you're interested with another male friend, this male friend might not want to hear about it. He might want to be with you. while you are gushing over another guy.." so did Fitness Guru say. "Did it occur to you that you - Angry Asian Cookie - might be a man in a woman's body? You treat men as men would treat women.. You go out on a date, then when their interested in you, you're not and you move on. The ones who treat you as garbage, you feel attracted to them, but the regular Joe cannot capture your attention"

OMG. am I a player? If I revisit my dates and the men I feel attracted to, I must admit I do feel attracted to men who are inapproachable, dangerous; exciting and don't pay me much of attention. The guys that bore me are showering me with attention, phone calls, sweet talk et cetera. Or they are temporarily chasuble but when they're emotionally attached to me, I'm not interested in them anymore. King is far away, he's not calling or mailing me 24/7, our status is still insecure although he mentioned he looked forward to make a baby and love the baby and me a lot. And shortly after he told me that, I found myself remotely interested in DD. Camy has been in love with me since I had piggy tails, but I was never interested in Camy romantically because he's too kind.

Am I a player? Am I? Now, I need to eat some chocolate.. I'm confused.


Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com