Interracial Dating

I did some research on interracial relationship especially now I'm dating in Chocolate City !

US census data tells us that of the estimated 246,000 B/W marriages that took place in 1992, more than half were between Black men and White women. Although more recent trends reflect an increase in the numbers of Black women in these types of interracial relationships, the numbers of Black men's involvement continues to outpace that of Black women. Life experiences and opportunities are still driven by race (and class). For example, on average Black men's life expectancies are nearly 6 years less than White men. It is important to keep in mind that it’s a relatively small (though visible, and growing) minority. In addition, keep in mind that these estimates do not include those who are simply dating. Of course, not all Black men offer that kind of excuse (BTW - I also often hear that Black women are too angry.) It is very strange that an attribute such as "strength" becomes something negative and is devalued when it is used to describe Black women. When people (usually Black men) say that Black women are too strong, they are expressing deep-seated ambivalence about their role vis-à-vis Black women, about the historical realities that made their ability to defend and protect Black women extremely difficult, as well as contemporary differences between Black men and Black women in opportunities.

I wonder why we see so many broken homes (i.e. father not around, black single mothers/grandmas being the mom, etc.) in the black community. I doubt that Black women complain about Black men any more than the millions of White women with White men complain about their men. There is a heightened attention to Black people and things they do and say because minority status makes one more noticeable this perceptual reality. Any attempt to genuinely explain the state of affairs for the Black family has to take account of existing disparities in job opportunity, educational attainment, occupational achievement, AND the continuing existence of racial discrimination. Back to the issue about homogenous environments where few other Blacks are present is indeed a real one. BUT, because of the way that the cards are currently stacked in US society, it is more often the case that Black women will find themselves in those settings as solos (i.e., when few other Blacks, and even fewer Black men are present).. People need people... interracial relationships in those types of situations are certainly understandable. A fair amount of sociological attention has addressed the question of ratios and speculated about just how many minorities need to present in a setting for out-race dating and marriage to occur My opinion is that it has more to do with the disproportionate ratios of Black men and women who have something to bring to the proverbial table. There is much discussion and some good recent books that attest to the rather bleak circumstances facing many Black men. When Black women see them in relationships with non-Black women, they often can't help but think about those disproportionate numbers. There is often the thought that "there goes another one".

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I recently watched the film, "Something New." Although, the premise is a little different than Spike Lee's, "Jungle Fever," in terms of the emphasis being placed on the development/struggle of an inter-racial relationship. Curiosity on both sides are impacting the decisions to date outside of our own race. Some people are curious - especially when they've had little to no interactions with others from different cultures and race. The media is one of the reasons is that the people who make most mainstream movies, sitcoms, etc. continue to be White men. They craft "reality" as depicted in their films from their perspective. The White man is usually the powerful and desirable person in the film. Women in general are still viewed sexually more often than not, and the few Black women who get to star in mainstream films are viewed like most women, as the "prize." The victor of the film always gets the prize. America is still not entirely comfortable with depictions of interracial sex, and particularly with Black men and White women. What's more Black men continue to be represented in these films in some way that is less than desirable (thieves, gangsters, etc.) In our early socialization experiences exert a powerful influence on the choices we make later in life (emphasis on choice). At the same time, you are a product of our society. It is one that unfortunately has a racial hierarchy in which White women are revered relative to Black women. The popular images that surround each of us (TV, movies, videos, etc.) bombard us with this message daily.

I always approached, thanks to my parents, people based on mutual interests. I wanted to meet all kinds of people and have friends that covered the spectrum of races and I have best friends to this day that cross those lines. It’s a normal tendency however to see the world through our own lenses. Unfortunately, unless pressed, people rarely look outside of their own experiences when making judgments about others. A common reaction of African American women when seeing African American men who are in interracial relationships (especially European American women) is anger. As a person whose entire family (on both sides) has been mixed race for many generations now I believe is it counterproductive and a point of unnecessary stress for African American women to agonize over this issue. It more productive to channel these feelings and understand them...

During college and y exposing myself, I limited the contact I had with Asian or White men because of the isolationist practices in place. Not all of them mind you, but a vast majority. So I learned to like who hung out at the same places I did. Sometimes white men were there, many times they were not. That being said, it is a shame in any community when we put down each other for finding love, outside of our color. It is especially painful when most of these same people profess to love God so much and are always touting Church. There is this typology to describe the different type of Black men in interracial relationships read that men only dating non-black woman exclusively was due in part to self-hatred, the embracement of white supremacist myths of beauty and post-slavery psychological influences. The numbers of available mates are dramatically different for Black men and women... this has much to do with Black women's reactions to seeing Black men in interracial relationships and feeling like "there goes another one." Some black women have a double standard when it comes to interracial dating. When a black woman dates outside of her race she is considered "progressive" but when a black man dates outside of his race he's a "sellout”.

A friend of mine shared that he has stopped dating Black women because of their inability to appreciate anything they do not see as ethnically Black. He took a Black woman to the theater and she fell asleep during the ballet. When he awoke her at intermission, she stood in the hallway criticizing other women's dresses and pointing out men she thought were on the Down Low. Five other women he dated admitted they didn’t like to read and only like to watch TV. He told me he didn’t want it waste time dating Black women when this is how far too many behave? But I want to emphasize that you can't pass judge on the 18 million Black women out there on the basis of an unhappy experience with one or a few and I take issue with the angry black woman stereotype

Why is it acceptable to try to date only someone of the same skin color? This closed minded attitude is terribly out of sync with our times. Are we going to go back to miscegenation laws to "help" the situation? In my gist of the issues I don’t think that it would help to make a black woman feel better. In addition it makes me sad that there is a notion that black woman are stereotyped as all fat, angry, uncultured and saddled with multiple children and "baby daddies". My best friend [who is an African American Sister] doesn’t know ONE FRIEND who has a child out of wedlock and these black girlfriends own property, have advanced degrees, travel the world and enjoy cultural arts.

Why do I want to date black men: today's popular images have elevated the attractiveness of Black men. They are depicted as physically attractive, strong, talented, athletic, etc. Why wouldn't I find them to attractive? . So Sisters: don’t hate me if a brother prefers me because of my personality and my individual features.


My friend Jon Jon: He says "he doesn't want to deal with the drama of black women.", His dad said he's weak and doesn't know how to handle the cultural/historic strength of black women. I've also been told by other black men who date white women, that white women are uninhibited sexually. Their words, "they do whatever you want." I say those men a deficient in making black women comfortable so that they might be less inhibited. I take issue with that stereotype as much as I take issue with the stereotype of a angry black women. I know it's a lot to think about.

What is your opinion?