Dragon Confessions

Last night I was invited to a social event in one of DC's hottest places to be www.dragonconfessions.com.

Erwin is the sweetest and a very talented young man. There was a DJ present ; a fantastic fashion show and I had invited one of my friends who I have been working with professionally www.jezign.com. In the confession booth I made some unbelievable confession - I had so much fun with Rafael who was the MC/ camera coordinator. i stick-ed to the virgin cocktails and they were absolutely delicious.  While partying I had a manicure and my eyes done - I thought I deserved it after such a long and draining day. I had no chance to change my outfit for the party so I was pretty casual but wearing my sexy white boots. Of course I couldn't walk on them but hey who cares .. lol

Both King and DD were texting back and forth about the event and it felt good that they were supportive about my plans for that evening.  King is opening up so much that it makes my heart sing. I'm wrapping up in DC and it feels good that I have a future in CA and maybe with King. 

I was gushing over King with Fitness Guru when he told me again I was playing the field. I was shocked he still perceived me as a player. His perception is founded on the fact that we went out and after that I wasn't really interested in pursuing a relationship with him. He couldn't be further away from the truth. In his opinion I like being single and want to have bites of several cookies. Maintaining a friendship after assessing you and an individual are not compatible is in my dictionary not playing a field. The option of a relationship is closed, but I don't see why we cannot be friends. Having many friends who have some what of a crush on me, this is not a exception. Does that make me a player? I don't think so.

As a matter of fact, ever since I've been in love with King I don't like to be single because I now know what it is to miss a companion when he's not around. And I miss him when we don't speak with each other. I'm planning to see him for a weekend, it would do both of us good. We haven't seen each other since the end of January. I also want to visit and hang out with DD

I have to confess that I do enjoy DD's conversations but I'm committed to King and the sense of belonging is strong. I don't get tempted to explore DD further then what we have now but I know he's mature enough to handle that unlike other's...

Back into the KINGdom

The Tornado not only hit in our area, but it also hit me like lightning when I text King about the tornado. he immediately called with a sincere concern in his voice.
The entire night King and I spoke - actually it was him reassuring me that everything was going to be alright. When Vlindertje and I finally fell asleep, I later on saw that he had not hang up the phone until minutes later. This morning 7:00 am EST, he checked in on me again. He confirmed he listened to my breathing until he was sure I was fast asleep before he hang up. We text messaged during the day. But the highlight of my King experience was when we spoke for 2 hours about us. The intensity and the purest connection we both acknowledged and felt, is amazing. Have you ever met a person who can finish your sentences because your minds are similarly configured? Have you ever met a person who can close his eyes or not physically see you, and tell you exactly what the expression is on your face when he talks to you without words? Have you ever met a person who, wants to built castles and dreams with you for the sake of the future without dwelling in the past? I have, and that instant moment, I knew what I knew deep in my heart for months - King is my soul mate. I was scared and that distracted me from what was staring at me from the day we met: a beautiful, creative and loving soul who understands my desires and weaknesses because he recognized them in himself. A soul who can search and reach beyond the means of believe because he'll create what he wants to be created. A person who is true to his values regardless what the world requires of him.


I'm back on track to my KINGdom, and I'm planning to stay there 'till eternity....






Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Signs of Love Making

I've been twisted between feelings (emotions) and thoughts (rational) for a while.  Those of you who've been regular readers of my blog, know by now I have developed strong feelings for King. Via Blogcatalog I became acquainted with DD. Although we've never physical met, we have great conversations and we are creatively collaborating on a new writing project.  On my birthday - April 8Th. All my friends had spoiled me to death, my brother threw me a surprise birthday bash, he invited the needy children in a close by community, and we donated money to my favorite charity, In addition my Maman flew over, that was a huge birthday present.  Both DD and King were thoughtful enough to acknowledge my birthday and it made me smile. Persian and I met a couple of times, and I feel so connected to him.

As Fitness Guru once said Angry Asian Cookie: you are a man in a woman's body - you treat man as man would treat a woman.  And he might be true, I am falling for three man at the same time. But I must admit if I encounter all the rational reasons and make an analysis [as if you can calculate love] this would be the outcome

Parameters	King	Persian	DD
Age	good match 38 vs 29	28 vs 29 not sure if it work	43 vs  29
Astrology Sign	LEO [July Leo]	LEO [July Leo]  (same b-day as LION!!)	Libra (possible mis-match?)
Distance	DC-CA	DC	DC-CA
Communication	Smooth-Easy-Fun-Sexy	Smooth-Easy-Fun-Sexy	Smooth, fun sexy  but with minor restrictions
Chemistry	WOW	WOW	Not Sure
Intellectual compatibility	Amazing	Amazing	Good
Chivalry	Very Masculine	Charming Masculine	Charming and Thoughtful
Parent Skills	Mind blowing	n/a	good parent
Creativity	Very much and focused	in his job and @volleyball	Very much and inspiring
initiation	somewhat slow unless he feels he can come to the rescue or I'm endangered	Each day	very thoughtful

I know deep in my heart that Libra's and me don't work in the long run. I also know that a man should be willing to participate in Vlindertjes life. Creativity is an essential part of my life, which make King and DD a much better choice then Persian. For now and developing a relationship Persian has the best opportunity to come closer to my heart- he lives close by. King is somewhat laid back and leaves the communication initiative to me unless he feels he can be the protector or when he feels DD and I talk too frequently for his taste.  Although it's too early to make a definite choice, I feel I cannot continue with these mixed feelings. I like all of them for different or similar reasons. Deep in my heart I hoped that King and I would have hit it off already and if we had, nor DD or Persian would even had a chance. So there's something that's holding me back.  Persian is relatively young - at least younger then my usual preference date.  I've onl dated African American men before I met Persian, but that is not an issue for me anymore. If I would fall for Persian then he and I would have to deal with a long distance relationship because I'm in the process of moving to CA. 

I never met DD in real life, and my experience with online dating is not that great. In fact it has been an disaster.  King has close relationships with his family, in fact his brother lives next doors and so does him Mom, No chance in hell that he will ever move from there. King also has a list of admirers and in his occupation he is/will facing a lot of temptations. Everyone knows that in the entertainment world marriage and relationships end as fast and easy as a google search lol.  I also know he has traditional and very conservative ideas about relationships which are quite reassuring. 

All the signs are out there. it's a matter of doing the math and go with my guts. i cannot continue to be shattered all over the place. It's unfair to them, to me  and I'm ready to answer to the Signs of Love Making.  

If anyone has any tips to make my decision easier ??????

Update!

It's been awhile that I've been posting messages on my blog for several reasons:

• all my laptops,  and PCs either crashed, died or malfunctioned;
• my efforts to repair a fairly new laptop was journey to hell - thanks Gateway;
• I was dealing with multiple challenges at the same time

Dating Up date

    Persian

Lots has happened. After my reunion with Persian, that same weekend I didn't contact him. I can tell you this - I had his business card in my hand on Saturday and Sunday but didn't had the guts to pick up the phone and dial his number. I consulted my friends Mos, Camy, and Dr. H and all advised me to call him.  I felt confused after our kiss and my feelings for King. 

On Monday I decided to call Persian. Before even picking up the phone, I practiced what I would say  when he would pick up the phone. It was so pathetic that I even wrote down what I intended to say. I almost felt as a high school girl. When I finally had the guts to call' I was redirected to his voice mail. I'm ashamed to tell but I hang up the phone. ohh.. it was  sooooooo girlie and immature. 

The second time around, I managed to leave him a message:

Hey Persian - this is Angry Asian Cookie. As promised I would give you a buzz. I hope you had a fabulous weekend and I look forward to hear all about it. Please do give me a call back after retrieving my message.

After five  very, very long minutes, my cell rang:

Persian: So you finally decided to pick up the phone and give me a call?

Angryasiancookie: Hey Persian ... good to hear from you.. sorry Persian that it took me so long  to get back at you.

Persian: I'm glad you did. It's good to hear your voice - it compliments the image that I have of us kissing...

Angryasiancookie: uhhh. well uhmmm ehhh..

Persian:[chuckles] Are you blushing? and looking for words..? Amazing - you're never without a wit response.. you look cute when you blush

Angryasiancookie:  uhhh well uhhh I'm not blushing..

Persian: sure you're not.. 

Angryasiancookie: can we change the subject to your weekend??!! How was your weekend?

Persian: My weekend was great; I was expecting your call though..I had a birthday party; danced; coached my  volleyball team to the qualifications. And you? Did you think about me ?

Angryasiancookie: oh, that sounds like a great weekend...yes, I thought of you briefly.. [ahh why did I say that?!!]

Persian: briefly? Oh that's my ego dropping on the floor....

Angryasiancookie: you're silly 

Persian: that indicates that you and I should spend more time together. Do you want to grab a coffee later on today?

Angryasiancookie: I'm at Busboys... as we speak

Persian: I can be there in 10 

Angryasiancookie: ohh no - don't stress your schedule let's meet another time

Persian: I want to seize the moment and kiss you.

Angryaasiancookie: but I'm not dressed to meet you.

Persian: good-  no clothes are necessary,  but hmmm you created a killing field of men out there didn't you?  [chuckles]

Angryasiancookie: you're nuts - I meant I'm wearing my professional and boring attire..

Persian: Baby .. with or without clothes it's you I'll see. Be here in 10 

Persian hung up the phone. 

Persian and  I met and we did kiss again. I felt awkward and yet blissful. I thought about King Then I told Persian about King and my developing feelings for him. I also shared my growing friendship with DD. Persian responded with: " Angryasiancookie: I don't see a ring on your finger but do admire your honesty. Let's take it one step at the time". I have no intention to lose contact with you and I want us to connect and be close friends.".

When we left the establishment I was still a bit confused but I smiled all day.

Mos responded - after I shared my  Persian experience -:"Maybe this is karma, and should you stay in DC".  Persian and I continued to see each other; about that later. 

  King

Although King and I don't talk on a daily base like DD and I. When we talk it seems as if I'm talking to myself, like as twin souls. The engaging conversations are as warm streaming water caressing my body; his voice is soothing; our souls simply connect.  Our relationship approach is simultaneous which makes our interaction smooth and understanding. I did tell him what happened with Persian.  He responded that he wants to visit me, and we should anticipate on my relocation.  When I was robbed last week - about that later- he was livid and so concerned. He checked in on  me the whole evening. It was so endearing while I'm writing this piece he's in Vegas at a marathon and trying to assure me that I will never have to be afraid again when he's there to protect me. Now how can I not melt for that??? 

DD

DD and I speak almost every day. He writes just like me and we started writing jointly on a children's book. He's so sweet, creative, caring and intelligent. How can I not like him?

Books and other Updates

 My poetry is scheduled to be published within two weeks. When I was on the radio with Alan Currie, I met Bennie Randall on the live chat of the show. Bennie and I started to communicate and I shared some of my poetry. Bennie gave me some great advice regarding the publishing of my books.  I would recommend you to take a look at  www.bennierandall.com.

He has interesting material posted on the site.

Ton

My friend Ton passed last week. I was fortunate to celebrate his life in Milan. He will always be my Angel. 

Virgo

Virgo and I never met but we do chat and talk on the phone a lot. The last few times he insists that we should meet but to be quite honest with you, I have my hands full with DD, King and Persian. Virgo is cool though.

Fitness Guru 

I have kept my distance with Fitness Guru. Primarily because he's too nice and we simply are no match. He once mentioned I was clueless regarding men; and I was like a man in woman's body.In addition I felt as if he felt some resent after we met - mentioned that he had to jump through hoops to see me that one time. I feel bad about that, but I cannot help my feelings. In fact I don't feel any connection at all other then a platonic friendship. He called the other day after sending me a text.  When he mentioned he was staring at a picture of my lips and how they would fit his ...... I tuned off, when he mentioned he was extremely excited, I had to end the conversation. It's hard for me to deal with an awkward moment as this one. 

Laptops, Pcs; Ipods

All my laptops and my desktops died at the same time. My efforts to get them fixed were unsuccessful. After my experiences with the customers service of Dell and Gateway, I decided to buy a new Mac. And I love my Mac!

I'll never write about my previous marriage or my divorce and I'll keep it that way. One thing though: I had an apple Ipod and I had bought one for my popper ex as well. After the divorce I found out he had switched my Ipod for a fake version and sold mine. It was not a big deal, if it made the popper happy so be it. With my Mac I bought both me and Vlindertje an Ipod. I'm struggling with the transition of data from my old tops and desk soon I'll be able to listen to my music again. 

I'll keep you posted now I'm back online!

Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Persian

I had an internal dialog if I should post this story or not but it's part of the dynamics in my single life and dating experiences. In one of my first posts, I'd shared about an [one-date] experience with a younger men/boy. I also expressed on several occasions to have a very strong dating preference for brothers. I vouched never to date younger again; and never to date other then brothers. My Maman always tells me: never say never.

Last year May I met an young attorney via a business associate. At that point I was not dating, or even remotely interested in dating. I could not ignore that this attorney was stunning; intelligent; sweet but I wasn't interested and focused on other priorities. He gave me his business card, we spoke a couple of times and exchanged some emails but lost contact. On Wednesday, I bumped into him again while I was in Maryland for a meeting. We couldn't stop smiling, and hugging- it was so good to see him. He's still breathtaking gorgeous, charming, and so extremely sweet that I cannot believe I ever lost contact with him. There was this older lady that watched us sitting on a bench talking; she came over to tell us she loves to see a young couple in love. Of course I blushed, and had no clue where to look. Persian [the attorney] smiled from ear to ear, and told the lady that we were very much in love. After she left Persian looked me deep in my eyes and said: "It's Karma, now we have to fall in love". I looked at him, and it suddenly strikes me what a wonderful man he is. Everything is against all odds - if I have to take my my dating preference in consideration:

1. He's Persian and not African American- my dating preference;
2. He's one year younger then me;
3. He has a lean body type and I normally prefer large or men with some extra pounds

I'm pretty guarded, and very shy around men but holding him and being hold by him felt incredible. He made me melt even more then Lion. He held my hand, and surprisingly I allowed him to do so. He said: "You never left my heart, my thoughts and you're even more breathtaking then in the last dream I had of you". Normally I would bitch that "I did not give you permission to do that", but for some reason he made me speechless. He has this fresh scent, and beautiful brown eyes [with the longest eye lashes you can imagine] so wide open that they provide a mirror to his soul. Talking to him is as easy as with King. Oh, Gosh King... I cannot think of him now. Persian and I talked for hours and we both lost track of time. I rescheduled my appointments for the day and he took the afternoon off. We talked and held hands until 7 PM.

When we had to go home, we both felt shy and awkward. Then he said: "I think we should honor the old lady". Before I could respond he KISSED me so tender and soft that I almost fainted. We kissed. KISSED. You might think: Ah, so what??!! I don't kiss on the first date, that only happened once. He does not meet my dating preferences but totally swept me off my feet. I mean TOTALLY. And now I'm confused. Where is this going?????????? What about King? What about my growing interest in DD? I'm relocating to CA; just finalized the details. How is an infatuation for Persian effecting my projected plans. It's absurd.

This is why I hesitate to publish this but if I don't, there will be a gap in the dating and life story of Angry Asian cookie. He gave me his business card again;wrote down his number and told me to call/email him this weekend. I'm sitting here staring at his card- should I call him or not. Should I, Should I ... oh, what should I do...

My Maman advised me to call him, so did my brother. It's midnight here, I mailed and text King; text DD and I'm sitting here pondering with total confusion about Persian. Beautiful and so sweet tasting Persian. What should I do........Maybe I should call Shabooty to ask him for advise; he might even know him.

Huggzz Dahlings

angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Birthday Count Down

Hey.. any plans for your birthday? My Virgo friend asked me today if I want to have dinner for my birthday. Birthday.. Birthday???! I completely forgot about my birthday. My new assignments, my other obligations, Ton, DD and King have been on my mind. Not so long after Virgo's call, Caribbean catched up with me:

Caribbean: Angry Asian Cookie, what are you doing on Tuesday?

Angry Asian Cookie: Not sure yet Caribbean. What's up on Tuesday?

Caribbean: isn't that your birthday?

Angry Asian Cookie: Ahhhhh.. it is on Tuesday... Not sure yet, maybe I'll take Vlindertje out. To be quite frank, I haven't given it a thought yet - you are the second person asking me this..but I squashed it away.

Caribbean: Let's go out for dinner.

Angry Asian Cookie: Let's discuss that later tonight

Camy: Snookie, I was looking into flying over to DC and spend some time with you on your birthday.

Angry Asian Cookie: oh, that's so thoughtful of you. I'm not sure yet what I'll do. But I'll let you know. Don't book a flight yet, ok Camy?

Dr. H: Paris, Boston, Amsterdam where do you want to go to on your birthday?

Angry Asian Cookie: don't know Pansje. I might want to spend it at home or ask Maman to fly over

Dr. H.: it's your birthday Papillion. I'll call you tomorrow for your final thoughts.

Besides Vlindertje and Maman, I would want to spend time with King on my birthday. Great to hear that my friends want to spend time with me, but I want to be with King. Tonight I'm flying to Milan, to meet Ton and his man for a crash visit. I'll be back for my birthday, and continue to post on this blog while I'm in Milan. King doesn't call/text and email me that frequently anymore. The distance is becoming an issue for him. In addition: our last conversation regarding DD, also made him shy away a bit. Leo's in general don't like to be teased with the thought of other players in the room. They insist and demand full attention and here's the thing: I long to provide him my full and focused attention however everyone knows when you do, you become less attractive to the guy because the hunt is not as challenging anymore; why are men so complicated??!!

Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com

Player

After I spoke with DD last night about our mutual interests such as work, I had a conversation with Fitness Guru. Fitness Guru and I met via a dating site a while ago, and we are still communicating. After meeting him once I felt that he was not a good match me. He's a darling but not for me. I like the more dangerous guys, who are creative, mysterious and intellectual on the same page as me. I switch into friendship mode after the first meeting. Now and then I ask him for advise regarding men or situations I'm in. Camy has been such friend and so is Samsonite. Today Fitness Guru asked me if I ever thought of it how sharing my stories and issues with men, might be selfish. And I was a bit taken off guard.
"Did it ever occur to you that even if you're in friendship mode and talk about the guy that you're interested with another male friend, this male friend might not want to hear about it. He might want to be with you. while you are gushing over another guy.." so did Fitness Guru say. "Did it occur to you that you - Angry Asian Cookie - might be a man in a woman's body? You treat men as men would treat women.. You go out on a date, then when their interested in you, you're not and you move on. The ones who treat you as garbage, you feel attracted to them, but the regular Joe cannot capture your attention"

OMG. am I a player? If I revisit my dates and the men I feel attracted to, I must admit I do feel attracted to men who are inapproachable, dangerous; exciting and don't pay me much of attention. The guys that bore me are showering me with attention, phone calls, sweet talk et cetera. Or they are temporarily chasuble but when they're emotionally attached to me, I'm not interested in them anymore. King is far away, he's not calling or mailing me 24/7, our status is still insecure although he mentioned he looked forward to make a baby and love the baby and me a lot. And shortly after he told me that, I found myself remotely interested in DD. Camy has been in love with me since I had piggy tails, but I was never interested in Camy romantically because he's too kind.

Am I a player? Am I? Now, I need to eat some chocolate.. I'm confused.


Hugzzz Dahlings,


angryasiancookie.in.dc@gmail.com